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Tuesday, April 23, 2024

What the type of TA you have a crush on says about you

If you’re my linguistics TA, stop reading


By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu


Some of us have fidget toys to pass the time in class. Others online shop. Others have Google Docs open so they can call themselves an academic weapon and then play 2048 the whole time. However, an unhinged population out there is getting through the school day by forcing themselves to have a crush on their TA. 

An inexplicable crush that will go nowhere: if you just ignore their armpit sweat stains and your paper that they were supposed to grade a month ago, seeing your TA in action can really be the highlight of your day. But seriously, our TAs are great and deserve some appreciation. Here is a list of the types of TA crushes and what they say about you, ya weirdo.

  • The TA that couldn’t care less about the discussion and reads off the textbook


If this low-effort TA tickles your fancy, then you need to reevaluate your standards. Every time you put yourself out there and ask a question about the material, and they say “Oh I’ll ask the professor and get back to you,” give up right there. They are not getting back to you. They already forgot your question. And your name. You thought that icebreaker from the first discussion section was because they care? Get a grip.

  • The TA that gives everyone an A on every assignment


You love princess treatment. Who needs to apply themselves in college and expect constructive criticism when you can just focus on wearing cute outfits for the two 50-minute classes you have that day?

  • The TA that makes everyone share what they did last weekend and their holiday plans


You love communication. You love the little things, and the small details matter to you. You probably give really thoughtful gifts and insist on decorating for every holiday. You talk on the phone for hours, and your freshman-year roommates hated you. When the TA shares what they did over the weekend, though, you just can’t imagine them in any social setting or existing outside your discussion. Maybe they’re just lying about having friends to impress you.

  • The TA that is just as confused by the course material as you are, and admits it

Relatability is important to you, but maybe you accept people’s flaws a little too quickly. You get it, Introduction to Linguistics can be hard to grasp sometimes. 

  • The TA that really breaks out of their shell in office hours and becomes actually helpful


You like the chase. The guessing game. Getting left on “delivered” for four hours doesn’t faze you. You feel like you really see your TA’s true self in office hours, as you try to remember how old grad students actually are. They made eye contact with you for two seconds while going over the study guide, and you called your mom about it.


Written by: Carmel Raviv — craviv@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)