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Davis, California

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

UCD to offer Frat Boy classes

So the frat boys can frat better!

 

By CARMEL RAVIV— craviv@ucdavis.edu

 

After a superintendent meeting discussing the vitality of fraternities at UC Davis, Chancellor Gary May realized that we need to do better to accommodate them. After all, they have done so much for campus social life and student alcoholism, without doing any real work at all. 

After evaluating the difficulty that frat bros have to endure balancing a stressful course load in Managerial Economics and attending fraternity-related events while also being involved in consequential activities such as bicep curls in the ARC, playing spikeball and badgering their friend with a med card, the committee has developed a plan to bring on change. 

UCD will be adding the School of Bruhhh, a fifth college that consists of classes that will enhance the skills, critical thinking and bright futures of Davis frat boys. Some classes that will be instructed are:

 

BRO 002: The Biochemistry of Alcohol Circulation

BRO 003: The Biochemistry of Alcohol Circulation While Crossed af

BRO 015: The Morals and Ethics of “They weren’t that drunk!”

BRO 032A: Constructional Engineering: Beer Pong Table

BRO 032B: Constructional Engineering: Die Table

BRO 072: Women’s Studies: What Zodiac Sign to Tell Girls You Are

BRO 069: Relationship Psychology: Coz these b*tches crazyyy

BRO 099: Creative Writing: Party Themes and Canva Invites

BRO 113: Sound Engineering: How to Mix “Pursuit of Happiness” and “No Hands” on a Loop

BRO 120: The American History of the Backwards Hat

BRO 150: Business Networking Strategies: Getting that Deloitte Internship

BRO 420: Aaaahhaahhahaa

FRS 125: How to Tell a Group of Dudes to “gtfo” While Working Security

 

All majors are welcome to strengthen their Frat Boy understanding by taking these classes. 

 

Written by: Carmel Raviv — craviv@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)