Limiting your time on social media can open up a world of self-discovery and connection
By JHANA RHODES — jsrho@ucdavis.edu
I chose to disappear in an era where social media is equated with connection, relevance and visibility. Gone with the likes and comments, I deleted all of my social media accounts in a single hour, albeit with much hesitation. No more Reddit, X, Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok. Years of memories, messages and thousands of friends vanished with the click of a button — or, in the case of Instagram — gone after a tedious verification process.
When I first deleted my accounts, I didn’t know what to do with myself. My whole life revolved around social media, and it seemed impossible to stop using it. Now, three years into my digital detox, I’ve never felt better. This experience has given me profound clarity on my sense of self, helped create meaningful connections and transformed how I prioritize my time.
Before the COVID-19 pandemic, deleting my social media accounts was something that I would have never done. I saw social media as a fun way to occasionally post a picture of my half-eaten breakfast or share entertaining videos with my friends. With all of this being said, I would spend no more than four hours a week on it.
During the pandemic, everything I did and all of the media I consumed was from social media. Whether I wanted to talk to a friend, find a new recipe or look up the latest influencer gossip, I could do that all on social media. However, that quickly consumed all of my time. It got so bad that I would spend almost 14 hours a day on TikTok. That’s when I realized I was stuck in an endless loophole of media content that did nothing but take away my time. From that moment on, I knew I had to say goodbye to my social media accounts.
After spending a few hours posting long messages on my Snapchat and Instagram stories to inform all of my friends about my absence, I finally deleted everything. For about 30 seconds, I felt a deep sense of liberation and joy. Yet, soon after I deleted everything, I asked myself, “Is this worth it?” After a few hours passed, I felt like I had just deleted my whole identity. Dramatic, right?
Nevertheless, it felt like I had gone from being wholly seen to disappearing into thin air. What was my life without connection? Social media was the only thing that kept me connected with the world. With it gone, I was forced to reinvent myself offline.
The first year was challenging. Most people I called my “friends” stopped talking to me, and I was devastated. I soon realized I had been using the term “friend” too broadly. I used to think that the people who liked my Instagram posts about my cats were my friends; however, the moment I disappeared online, so did they. Now I know that although I’ve lost a lot of connections, the people who stuck around are lifelong friends.
Two years passed, and, before I realized it, I had gone three years without social media. It got easier after I overcame the overwhelming sense of boredom and the habitual instinct to check my phone for TikTok videos. No more fear of missing out (FOMO) after seeing pictures of all of my friends at a party, no more obsessing about creating the perfect caption and no more comparing my life to those I saw online.
The moral of the story is that even though deleting all of your social media accounts in one day is extreme, it gave me the means of finding my true offline identity. It is a dramatic change, so if you’ve needed a break from social media (whatever the reason), it’s good to start off small. Limit your time online by putting the phone down to pick up a new hobby or go someplace new. The more time you spend off of your phone, the more time you have to build genuine connections. Hopefully, one day, you will find that being offline will give you more time to connect with others and with yourself.
Written by: Jhana Rhodes— jsrho@ucdavis.edu
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