Sidney James, a second-year communications major, has taken the initiative to start a club on campus in an attempt to bring together students of all backgrounds and passions for their mutual love of one thing: cricket.
The Aggie cornered James outside of her class at SciLec to get more information out of her regarding her plot. She talked briefly with us about her motivations for trying to uproot civilization as we know it.
“I’m starting a cricket club because it’s a sport I really enjoy, and I believe that it could really bring people together so that we can bond over something we all like,” James said. “Who do you write for again?”
James seemed shifty and uncomfortable while she was giving this answer, so we can only assume based off of the circumstantial evidence that she was lying.
You see, the answer to all this is really very clear: Cricket is a foreign invention by the globalists and communists to try to creep into America’s universities. It’s all a part of Hillary Clinton’s plan to infiltrate American politics and impressionable young American minds. But it’s not just Hillary, oh no. It’s the entire deep state that’s trying to attack Donald Trump, our great leader-in-chief.
Cricket is not a real sport. Come on, you think they would make a sport named after such a benign insect? Really? It’s obvious that cricket is a codeword of some kind, meant to activate sleeper agents who are now rising up to take our government. This is why we need to keep our borders nice and secure. Because of fake sports, like cricket.
Written by: Aaron Levins — adlevins@ucdavis.edu
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
