Humor

I’m coughing just thinking about it   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Me and all of my faithful readers can agree on one thing: The Teaching and Learning Complex (TLC) is nasty. As I ascend the stairs, I can see the clumps of dust and hair floating around at my feet. One time, I […]

An interview with the devil   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   A hundred voices cried out in agony. Ash blackened the sky. Sulfur steam burned animals alive as they fled ground zero of the apocalypse, and with a roar the Demon King ripped the earth asunder right in the middle of a haunted house.  […]

Can I have a bathroom break please?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   I’m really popular, so I have a lot of friends roaming around campus. Specifically, I have many friends in the Campus Tours office, who have recently let me in on some shocking information. Soon, a campus job will be released on […]

Where’s my fly swatter?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Late last night, I was tossing and turning in bed, wishing I could fall asleep. I drank like five cups of sleepytime tea and that did absolutely nothing. I couldn’t sleep because I have an intense paranoia of bugs, and I saw one on […]

Is this wheelie happening?!   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   What used to be a beloved pastime is now in danger of dying out. Seniors armed with drinking helmets and air horns camped outside of the Silo roundabout on the first day of the quarter were left disappointed as they were denied the show […]

Please contribute to their GoFundMe   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Lately, the economic and political state of the world has been bleak to say the least. Inflation is wreaking havoc across the nation, resulting in a higher cost of living and lower disposable incomes.  Of all social classes, the one hit the hardest […]

Sign now!   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   When was the last time you’ve been inside a monument to human engineering? When was the last time you saw colors that clashed so horribly they made the presidential debate look like a loving embrace? When have we as a society lost our sense of whimsy? […]

If you know anything that can help, speak now or forever hold your silence   By MAYA KORNYEYEVA — mkornyeyeva@ucdavis.edu    Look. I know that the following message may sound crazy. You might (perhaps rightfully) question my sanity. I urge you to cast those thoughts aside. Seriously. Toss them in a bin, cover the lid […]

The jawline goes crazy   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    UC Davis is a well-known, acclaimed university with esteemed faculty and plenty of research opportunities. However, it’s also known as “cow town.” Every freshman who is accepted into this fine institution is selected based on their knowledge that the cow goes moo.  Unsurprisingly, the […]

Audrey’s guide to the critters on campus   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   The first time I came to UC Davis, a turkey blocked my path to the information center. I looked into its eyes. In them, I saw rage, a brutal tragic past and a thirst for first-year blood. I saw my death. […]

Someone please tell me this happened to them too   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    I recently changed my major to managerial economics with an accounting minor, because I realized that I’m passionate about getting a lot of money. The transition was fairly easy, I was able to get all of my prerequisites done, […]

To the man listening to music without headphones   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   I fell for you at first sound. The moment I saw you, ears bared, open to listening to all the world, especially to your music speaker; I could think of no other. Not even the man taking phone calls in […]