Humor

Bicycle <3   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Transportation via bicycle is extremely popular at UC Davis. Almost too popular, if you ask me. After years of observation and careful research, I have deduced that you can tell a lot about a person by what kind of bike they ride. Here are my findings. […]

Get the senior citizens out of here   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Y’all old as hell. Get out of here. Walking around like you own the place. The only thing you own is pre-arthritic joints and an inability to answer the question, “So, what do you want to do next year?”  I know […]

Not, like, for freshmen. Hunting for freshmen. Yeah.   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    It’s Thursday again, and in the Mee Room gathered around the conference table, squabbling, monologuing and occasionally throwing pens, is UC Davis’s student government. Like most nights, there are more coffee cups than people. And like every night, 90% of […]

I am not open to suggestions   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu   9:00 am – Read the group chat full of “Are you ready to partyyyyy!!!???!!??”  and consider going back to sleep and ignoring everyone. 10:00 am – Mimosas at Cheryl’s. Thanks for hosting Cheryl! 11:00 am  – Obviously, by this time you will […]

I can feel my mom’s disappointment fade away with every bite!   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   You may have experienced a pounding headache, a dry throat and the feeling that your stomach has turned inside out while picking up breakfast from Ali Baba. Maybe you have even thrown up in the bathroom and […]

My emotional support rat must have his own room   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Hello, my name is Juke Jakeson. I am in dire need of a roommate next year for off-campus housing, and you must be in need of one too! It’s like I’m reading your mind! Ahaha.  A little about me:  […]

Looney Tunes failed me   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   As a kid, I was always wary of wet sand because I was convinced it would be quicksand. I thought that stepping in it would cause me to start slowly descending into a suffocating death. The worst part about a quicksand death, I thought, […]

Picking the team with the prettiest colors ain’t gonna cut it   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   We may have thought we were free from the clutches of football the day after the Rihanna concert, but I have bad news for the non-sports fans out there. Basketball. Soccer. Hockey. Formula 1. March Madness. Cricket. […]

If you’re my linguistics TA, stop reading   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Some of us have fidget toys to pass the time in class. Others online shop. Others have Google Docs open so they can call themselves an academic weapon and then play 2048 the whole time. However, an unhinged population out there […]

Drawn by: Sandhya Pfile –– sbpfile@ucdavis.edu

Good morning design majors! I hope all your dreams come true <3   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Like winter quarter, this list goes from okay to terrible to worse.   Atmospheric Science: I love weatherpeople. 10/10 Physics (B.A.): Absolutely blows my mind that you can get a bachelor of arts in physics. Rails […]

Help, I’m being replaced   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    This article was written by ChatGPT, with comments from the author in brackets.   UC Davis is a well-known university located in the picturesque city of Davis, California. Known for its strong agricultural and veterinary programs, the university is a haven for those who […]