Humor

The jawline goes crazy   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    UC Davis is a well-known, acclaimed university with esteemed faculty and plenty of research opportunities. However, it’s also known as “cow town.” Every freshman who is accepted into this fine institution is selected based on their knowledge that the cow goes moo.  Unsurprisingly, the […]

Audrey’s guide to the critters on campus   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   The first time I came to UC Davis, a turkey blocked my path to the information center. I looked into its eyes. In them, I saw rage, a brutal tragic past and a thirst for first-year blood. I saw my death. […]

Someone please tell me this happened to them too   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    I recently changed my major to managerial economics with an accounting minor, because I realized that I’m passionate about getting a lot of money. The transition was fairly easy, I was able to get all of my prerequisites done, […]

To the man listening to music without headphones   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   I fell for you at first sound. The moment I saw you, ears bared, open to listening to all the world, especially to your music speaker; I could think of no other. Not even the man taking phone calls in […]

I have a lot of great fundraising ideas   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    My tuition goes up every year, and yet this school is still supposedly short on money. Remember when Sunset Fest got canceled due to lack of funds? It’s time to act, Aggies. If we’re going to get our money up, […]

One of us is a lethal weapon of mass destruction and the other is Godzilla   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   I know what you’re thinking. How can a stunning, six-foot-five, cancer-curing college bombshell ever compete with the one cool thing that came out of nuclear armageddon? She doesn’t have a chance. And you’d […]

They are better than us, I fear   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    The P and Q are fourth-year undergraduate buses, each with a double major, a part-time job and no signs of burnout. If they make you feel unworthy of your spot here at UC Davis, join the club. Even other bus lines […]

In other words: bus beef   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   If you have ever ridden on a Unitrans bus line, you have probably noticed the friendly disposition of the drivers. I have seen the drivers chatting with each other before their buses depart and overall having an admiral little community. Once on the […]

Caution: the standards are low   By MIAH JORDANE — mjcampos@ucdavis.edu   There are a plethora of period-drama pieces within cinema, theater and literature: “Pride and Prejudice,” “Bridgerton,” “Hamilton,” “Little Women” –– the list goes on. Despite the problematic aspects of the eras these pieces take place in, there’s a fixation with romanticizing and fantasizing […]

This tipping thing is getting out of hand   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    The other night, I decided to study late at the Teaching and Learning Complex (TLC) for my upcoming midterms. As I was studying, the material became so unbelievably boring that I nodded off and later woke up in a pile […]

Sorry, I don’t make the rules —- or the drinks   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Animal Biology: Iced milk. Geology: Coffee on the rocks (translation for non-geology majors: iced coffee). Managerial Economics: Small hot latte (only ordered for a networking event). Mechanical Engineering: Vanilla frappe (doesn’t like coffee) but washes it down with […]

Is this salt or sugar?   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   I know it. You know it. We’re broke college students and, even worse, mediocre cooks. Don’t sweat it. Here are several easy recipes that even the most hopeless beginner could make. You won’t be impressing Gordon Ramsay anytime soon, but at least you […]