Humor

Why would you want to eat something so sexy?    By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   To whom it may concern:   I don’t know about you, but I am tired of eating turkey every year at Thanksgiving. Frankly, it’s unoriginal and boring. Why not spice things up with a nice smoked trout? Ugh, I’m […]

They’ll get back together in a week   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Just when I thought the Unitrans bus lines were in harmony again, there appears to be more drama. One of my sources in the bus garage informed me that the M bus has been seen sobbing in the corner at night […]

Next time you go to the Craft Center, make sure you say hi   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   The other day, I went to the ceramics room in the Craft Center to visit all of the artistic people here at UC Davis. As an accounting student, I try to keep in touch with […]

He knows what he likes   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   I’ve spent the entirety of this quarter trying to figure out my professor. On the first day of class, he gave us a two-hour lecture on his life story, which isn’t entirely unusual, because plenty of professors will choose to do that on […]

I’m coughing just thinking about it   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Me and all of my faithful readers can agree on one thing: The Teaching and Learning Complex (TLC) is nasty. As I ascend the stairs, I can see the clumps of dust and hair floating around at my feet. One time, I […]

An interview with the devil   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   A hundred voices cried out in agony. Ash blackened the sky. Sulfur steam burned animals alive as they fled ground zero of the apocalypse, and with a roar the Demon King ripped the earth asunder right in the middle of a haunted house.  […]

Can I have a bathroom break please?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   I’m really popular, so I have a lot of friends roaming around campus. Specifically, I have many friends in the Campus Tours office, who have recently let me in on some shocking information. Soon, a campus job will be released on […]

Where’s my fly swatter?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Late last night, I was tossing and turning in bed, wishing I could fall asleep. I drank like five cups of sleepytime tea and that did absolutely nothing. I couldn’t sleep because I have an intense paranoia of bugs, and I saw one on […]

Is this wheelie happening?!   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   What used to be a beloved pastime is now in danger of dying out. Seniors armed with drinking helmets and air horns camped outside of the Silo roundabout on the first day of the quarter were left disappointed as they were denied the show […]

Please contribute to their GoFundMe   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Lately, the economic and political state of the world has been bleak to say the least. Inflation is wreaking havoc across the nation, resulting in a higher cost of living and lower disposable incomes.  Of all social classes, the one hit the hardest […]

Sign now!   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   When was the last time you’ve been inside a monument to human engineering? When was the last time you saw colors that clashed so horribly they made the presidential debate look like a loving embrace? When have we as a society lost our sense of whimsy? […]

If you know anything that can help, speak now or forever hold your silence   By MAYA KORNYEYEVA — mkornyeyeva@ucdavis.edu    Look. I know that the following message may sound crazy. You might (perhaps rightfully) question my sanity. I urge you to cast those thoughts aside. Seriously. Toss them in a bin, cover the lid […]