Humor

Nothing. Just kidding. But…   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   What felt like a year that would last a lifetime is now coming to an end. My unique first-year experience has passed me by as I move on to bigger, better and more private things. That said, I must reminisce and pay gratitude to […]

Incoming freshmen are the future of America. Hoorah!   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   As this tumultuous school year comes to a close and we shed our prolific senior class, it is time to welcome an exciting new generation of Aggies. They will carry the torch of this great institution’s legacy and relish in […]

Help, I’m being replaced   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    When I heard that comedian and UC Davis alum Hasan Minhaj had been formally invited to speak at the 2023 commencement, I just assumed he had already said yes. But, no (the opposite of yes). They were “just asking.” I didn’t realize that UC […]

“It reminds me of the weather back home,” Satan said   By OWEN RUDERMAN — opinion@theaggie.org   “Summer vacation destination” isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of Davis, CA. Most people get out of the Central Valley during the hotter months, visiting family, taking a trip to the Bay Area […]

The event invites students to open their hearts, mind and wallets (but mostly their wallets)   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   If you came by the MU Quad a week ago, then you must have experienced the toe ring booth, soothing sounds of the wind catchers, tie-dye everything and a bunch of walking advertisements […]

I am suffering from the consequences of my own actions   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Every week or so, I have a paper to write, a midterm to study for, a reading response to do or math problems to solve. It’s crazy to think all of these mundane little tasks eventually add up […]

100% guaranteed. You can sue UCD if these don’t come true.    By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Aries: Your utilities will be about the same as last quarter. Maybe a little more. Capricorn: Childproofing your house isn’t just for expecting parents. It’s also for idiots who come home drunk and walk into the dinner […]

So the frat boys can frat better!   By CARMEL RAVIV— craviv@ucdavis.edu   After a superintendent meeting discussing the vitality of fraternities at UC Davis, Chancellor Gary May realized that we need to do better to accommodate them. After all, they have done so much for campus social life and student alcoholism, without doing any […]

Yeah, pregnancy is a big deal. But what if I scrape my elbow?   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    What’s the worst thing that could happen as a result of sex? Unwanted pregnancy? STIs? Emotional damage? What about jamming your finger? Sixty percent of college students will injure themselves during sex, with 15% breaking […]

He keeps commenting on the “loaminess.” Is that even a thing?   By OWEN RUDERMAN — opinion@theaggie.org   Last night at my party, Brandon Flynn, a freshman in the Davis Brewing program, showed up and started telling everyone who would listen that he “actually really likes IPAs.” I don’t know who invited him, but it […]

Not literally, just metaphysically   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   To be honest, I’ve been hitting the gym a lot lately and just PR’d on bench press (35 lbs), so I feel confident in my ability to take out my frustrations and show off my two months of Krav Maga practice. I’ve been eating […]

Your choice reveals characteristics about you!   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Pick an option.   Option 1: Bleh. Boo! This is the worst one of these. Everyone agrees. Nobody likes this one, so you must be a bad, not good, person.   Option 2: You’re okay. You picked the safe option, which is […]