49 F
Davis

Davis, California

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

LXIX NUDE LIVE NEWTS LXIX

With a nod to Rob Olson, for giving me a reason to live…

I once saw our chancellor Larry Vanderhoef at the ARC wearing a shirt that had a full beer stein on the front baring the words, Are you drinking enough? I’m happy to report that, yes, Larry, I am drinking quite enough.

To everyone who supported the Iraq war back in 2002 and 2003: I told you so.

I don’t normally praise conservatives for their ideas, but last year’s illegal immigrant capture the flag game was hilarious. If you disagree, you’ve died inside.

Leaf blowers, escalators, motion-sensing toilets and Hummers are fucking stupid.

Juno is a terrible movie; it’s only possible for an upper middle class white chick living in gentrified suburbia. A black girl living anywhere whose parents make anything isn’t getting anybody to adopt that kid.

I wash my hands before I pee, because I know where I’ve been.

When I use etc. I do so in the sense that it’s meant to be used – not to indicate the potential continuation of a list, but because I’ve run out of examples and wish to trick the reader into thinking otherwise.

Your means possession, you’re means you are, and ur doesn’t mean shit.

Needless to say, …

If you’re under 18 and wearing a bike helmet, you’re following the law. If you’re over 18 and wearing a bike helmet, you’re a loser.

I find that I’m more interested in being good at things than the things themselves. The single exception to this rule is sex.

When a $60,000-a-year job is off-shored to China (job count: minus one), the American who just got laid off now needs income. With little or no time to retrain, and since he can’t make $60,000 a year off the bat at a single job, he takes two entry level positions at reduced wages (job count, plus two). And that’s how jobs are created in the Bush economy.

The computers in the Tech Lounge at the ARC blow more balls than Mr. Bucket. Will someone seriously get on that shit?

My biology professor said, You wouldn’t say that group A was more fit than group B just because group B happened to be by a body of water when it flooded. Which is true, unless you’re a Republican and group B is poor people. Poor, black people.

A leaked memo summarizing a meeting between Austan Goolsbee (Remember him? That economic adviser to Obama I made such a fuss about?) and a Canadian official has Goolsbee saying that Obama’s critical rhetoric about NAFTA and the negative impact of free trade is more reflective of political maneuvering than policy. I told you so.

If you’re 17 and your mom’s 33, you’re a mistake. If you’re 17, your mom’s 33 and your daughter’s one, you’re an even bigger mistake; you should probably be sterilized, and you’re my next-door neighbor from high school.

If you’re my next-door neighbor from high school, my bad.

Saudi Arabia has commissioned Bechtel to build a 5,250-foot tall tower in Jeddah. It would be wonderfully ironic if we blew it up by remotely piloting a bunch of mothballed B-52s into it. Also, it looks like a penis.

Vegetarian is just another word for annoying impotent protest.

I’m going to open a sex shop called Megahurtz, which will specialize in electronic S&M gear.

Energy-strapped cities sometimes cycle streetlights off and on so that only portions of the city are lit past dark. But the Coors Light billboards are lit all night long.

Maf54 (7:58:37 PM): well I have aa totally stiff wood now.

A final ARC comment. All you guys who lift up the bottom of your shirts to wipe the sweat off your face, stop. You’re not fooling anybody. We all know you’re just trying to show off your totally ripped abs and look at yourself in the mirror. It’s lame. You’re lame. ‘Cause really, bro, they’re not that impressive. In fact, the only six pack I see on you is the one you drank last night. So please, get over yourself, and stop. Thanks.

John McCain will win the presidency. He’ll do it by attacking Obama’s/Clinton’s patriotism, exploiting racism/sexism and xenophobia and convincing people that Bush’s tax cuts have been good for everyday Americans. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

 

K.C. CODY told you what’s on his mind. Tell him what’s on urz at kccody@ucdavis.edu. XXX

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