I’m probably the lamest role model out there. For one thing, I love settling for mediocrity. All those camp counselors out there are probably thinking, “Well, she’s certainly not going to get anywhere with that attitude,” and they’re probably right, so suck it. I played the violin for 12 years, and all I got out of it was a CMEA medal that I had to buy myself. I also run this column, but I’ve never written anything worthy of a literary magazine or a scholarship. I don’t even understand why, considering I write so good.
My two life mottos are “It could be worse,” and “Good enough is good enough,” both of which have nothing to do with being your best because most of the time, you’re not. There will be someone out there who is smarter, faster, stronger and more gorgeous than you. And they probably have whiter teeth too and donate more money to charity or something.
Unfortunately, my laid back attitude has really affected my schoolwork this quarter. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. And even though they say misery loves company, lazy people love it even more. The only thing better than procrastinating is getting other people to do it with you. That way, you can all fail your different classes and watch your GPAs plummet together as a team. It’s fun, kind of like fantasy football but with a bleaker future. So, since I’m unmotivated as hell, why not get more people into it?!
Reprioritize your priorities using sweeping generalizations mixed in with a positive “big picture” attitude. There’s a lot of bullshit out there that successful people like to pass on as advice when they’ve already made it. Most of it runs along the same lines like “Work is not everything; stop and smell the roses sometime,” “Live like there’s no tomorrow,” “Spend more time with family and friends,” “There’s no point in working if you’re not having fun,” “Enjoy life,” etc.
I like to take these clichés and apply them to my work ethic. Just when I’m about to sit down and do an essay, I look out the window and think, “Man, what a beautiful day it is, I can’t let this one go to waste!” That way, when I’m delaying my essay, I don’t feel like I’m procrastinating; instead, I’m enjoying life in this fast-paced modern world that has no time for happiness anymore.
Or say you’re cramming for a multiple-choice final or something. Will answering only 26 questions right out of 30 really ruin your life? If it will, then that’s pretty horrible. So shoot for answering 20 or even 18 right. If you fail, then oh well — at least you’re not dead or sick. And that’s what really matters in the end.
Draw on past experiences, because knowing thyself is the first step to laying out realistic expectations. Take me, for instance. I haven’t bought a dime’s worth of books this quarter as an experiment. In the past, I’ve stocked up on every textbook, novel and reader my professor said to go out and buy. I’ve even subscribed to a major national newspaper thinking it was important for my grade.
I always envied those who said they never once cracked open a book and still made the grade, so I’m going to try it. If you’ve always done badly in school, chances are it’s too late to save yourself. And if you’ve always done really well and set the curve in every exam, then you’re probably just naturally smart, so have faith in yourself and take it down a notch, would you? F-ing douche bag.
Gain a little perspective about how little you’ve actually come. I mean, some people don’t even graduate high school and still manage to make more than you (i.e. super mega rap stars and/or glamour girls on the MySpace). The pay of an entry-level job is barely enough to sustain yourself, the job market is cutthroat in every field imaginable unless you uproot your entire life and move out of state and since everybody goes to college, a college degree doesn’t mean as much as it used to. So how necessary is that one Aplia homework or those psychology experiments you “have to” do? Not very. Now go out there and be nobody!
LYNN LA was fired from her job at a suicide help line due to her lack of enthusiasm. She is, however, not that pessimistic about life — just lazy. If you want to be the reason she wakes up every morning to carpe the F out of the diem, e-mail her at email@example.com.