70.6 F

Davis, California

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Socialists now hiring

Last May 1,the Davis College Republicans attempted to play a satirical game of “Illegal Immigration Capture the Flag as a counter-protest against the general socialist/immigration protest occurring on the Quad.Given the reflex of far left groups to see the worst in those who disagree with them, the game quickly became known as“Capture the Illegal Immigrant, and has even been reported as such in The Aggie and The Sacramento Bee.

In the same vein,the game was actually never played due to the quasi-riotous response it received.Drunk with the power that universities like UC Davis accord them,the various disaffected groups mobbed DCR,absolutely outraged that someone saw the world differently than they did.That a police presence seemed necessary to protect DCR and to keep the peaceful protest peaceful did not make it into local lore.But the“racism of DCR’s event certainly did.

With the principle in mind that reality is perhaps not so important as perception,DCR has elected to take a different path this year:a socialist career fair.May1,as International Workers Day,has a very strong history with the U.S.S.R.and other communist nations,a fact which May Day protestors are either ignorant of or indifferent to.If not some strain of communism,at a bare minimum,many on the Quad will be advocating the socialism of Western Europe orVenezuela as the solution to any problems we face.

In an effort to help these progressively-minded souls,DCR will be having its socialist career fair at a table near the flagpole by the Memorial Union.Information will be provided on various positions within socialist and communist governments,with attention to current and historical examples of these worker-oriented societies.

A few examples

Petty government bureaucrat:In some communist nations,you may obtain certain limited amenities that normally take thePeople10years to get.Historical family success in pre-communist societies will not necessarily exclude you from employment,but itprobablywill.With both socialism and communism,your job requires no courtesy in dealing with citizens,since they have no other place to go.Creative minds not desired.Efficiency and speed unnecessary.Drab clothing preferable.

Factory worker#1161987:As the stalwart symbol of the People and the foundation of the Motherland,all of the insanity perpetrated by the government is theoretically for your sake.Productivity is highly desired,but with no extra pay or benefits,since that would be so bourgeois.Union membership mandatory,along with union dues.In socialist societies,pay raises are possible but must be cleared by the government because it is their business if you worktoo hard or are too successful.

Union Boss:In many socialist nations,you have the power to hold the government and the economy hostage with the threat of a strike.Supposedly,you are one of the People,but in reality,your benefits and authority,along with your status as a“representative of the worker,makes you a very rich person who leads a very good life.Workers in your trade who do not wish to be a part of your union are not allowed to do so,and must pay up for your“services. Corruption optional.

Entrepreneur:No longer hiring.These jobs have been outsourced to capitalist nations that reward those who do well.

Other career options available include gulag commandant,minister of information,black market crime lord,member of the secret police,soldier and party official.Information on these positions and more can be found at the fair.

Izaak Pichardo,a member of DCR with the idea for the career fair,wanted to simplify the message for this year’s counter-protest.

“We are showing that socialism is not something to be celebrated, said Pichardo.“In this country,we are lucky enough to have real choices and opportunities,and where hard work and creativity are appreciated.

Sometimes capitalists do complain that socialism ruins the job market.But even if“the numbers or“economists show this to be true,there are plenty of other great employment opportunities to be had.How could anyone object?

ROB OLSON loves writing socialist want-ads.That said,he will be watching the People get riled up today and taking e-mails at rwolson@ucdavis.edu.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here