Hello Aggie readers! It’s a new school year, which means a fresh start – new classes, new opportunities, and (for better or worse) new columnists! I was told that this would be a good time to introduce myself, though I was planning on waiting until June … but what the heck? My name’s Danielle. I’m an American studies major in my fourth and final year at UCD; which roughly translates to: “I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I’m screwed.” I hail from sunny Los Angeles and, although I now live in Davis, I still wear flip-flops every day of my life. I enjoy long walks through the Arboretum, speak Spanish fluently when I’m drunk, and have read the Twilight series more times than I care to admit. I spent my most recent Monday night driving to Woodland to buy the last 15 bags of Mother’s Cookies at Target, and on my list of favorite things ever, autumn in Davis falls right after puppy dogs and just before Johnny Depp.
Now, I am not so naïve as to think that fall in Davis is without its disadvantages. At the top of this list is one of my most relevant phobias: freshmen on bikes. Now, I have nothing against freshmen themselves. I’m not ageist, although if I were, all my hostility would probably be directed toward that senile old man with the creepy smile who thinks he’ll be our next president. In fact, I love freshmen as much as I can care for a large faction of people who I have never met. It is the combination of our new friends with contraptions that have the ability to cause a great deal of harm that scares the goodness out of me. I’m sure you’ve seen them before: rushing all too quickly toward you, teetering unstably on their bikes while holding on for dear life and screaming for their mothers. OK, that was more of a dramatization of my own first few days as a freshman, but you have to admit that there are probably more bike accidents during the first few weeks of fall quarter than the rest of the year combined.
The other drawback to Davis in the fall is more of a nuisance than a danger. CALPIRG recruiters. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the organization itself. In fact, I caved in long ago and now donate the relatively small amount of money every quarter to saving baby seals or whatever the heck it is they do. So why in the name of all that is good and holy do I still get badgered by these clipboard-wielding, relentless do-gooders?
“Have you pledged CALPIRG?” One of the most dreaded and sadistic sentences known to man … or at least to college students in the state of California. Yes, I have pledged. I promise I’m not lying to you. What do I have to do, super-glue one of those bright-orange stickers to my forehead? Please stop asking. Just assume that I haven’t the will power or patience to have resisted conforming for the past three years and leave me alone.
Yet, in spite of the treacherous freshmen on moving vehicles and the astonishingly persistent CALPIRG minions, I find myself excited to be back in Davis at the start of a new year. I tell you all this, dear reader, in hopes that it will help you to better understand what my column will be. It will not be a source for political satire or a way to acknowledge those underrepresented groups on campus. I will not be writing to educate you about the questionable actions of the UC Board of Regents or even to comprise a list of things to do before I graduate (although I do enjoy a good list). My goal is simply to ease your boredom while you are sitting there waiting for class to start and to share a piece of myself with all of you.
DANIELLE RAMIREZ wants to know if anyone else thinks Edward Cullen is a dreamboat. If you would like to discuss this strange obsession over a bowl of Circus Animal Cookies e-mail her at email@example.com.