Hi. I’m K.C. I did this last year. I’d love to talk about how awesome I am at life and write one of those jolly little intro columns everyone seems to be so fond of, but the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse just galloped by my window so I’m gonna skip the foreplay and get down to business.
The Democrats have royally fucked us (I swear in this column, by the way). Why? Because they don’t understand accountability. They’re like the Arthur Anderson of American politics. That they haven’t brought Bush to his knees for some sweet, impeachment-style justice is beyond shameful; Johnson replaced his secretary of war, Nixon spied and Clinton fibbed about a BJ. But Bush? Nah, the Democrats are just fine to let bygones be bygones and take impeachment off the table.
Do me a favor and look at the articles of impeachment submitted to the House by Dennis Kucinich, the only Democrat with the balls to do so (besides Hillary). Really, look at ‘em (the articles, not the balls). And when you do, realize that these are just the things Bush should be impeached for that we know about, because the Democrats won’t launch any prying Congressional investigations.
According to them, it doesn’t matter how we got here. They’ll just plug the hull of the Titanic with chewing gum and worry about accountability and prevention later. Much later. As in never.
Just look at what we’ve experienced over the past month. After The Great Depression, Sweden and S&L, this was not unexpected. It was inevitable. It was inevitable because of the failure to respond with accountability, prevention and vigilance to yesteryear’s orgies of greed. And once those past shocks and others like them abated, so did the opportunity to respond.
But Republicans make their careers on shocks. Take the U.S.A. PATRIOT Act. The speed at which it passed was baffling; portions were even submitted only one working day after 9/11. The final bill is a 342-page wish list of prepackaged pipe dreams accumulated since Reagan meant to turn the executive branch into a Herculean phallus of ruination. Nine-eleven was their shock, and their wishes were granted.
The Democrats, in contrast, have had two years of this “market correction” to come up with their own wish list of comprehensive, egalitarian and most importantly preventative policies for the economy. Instead, they gave us $600 and told us to go buy Chinese tinkertoys (at least it wasn’t milk).
If the Democrats weren’t in Wall Street’s pocket, we wouldn’t be sitting here like pathetic flightless chicks waiting for more chunks of putrid, partially digested Bush administration bilge to be vomited into our frantic, gaping maws by Treasury Secretary Hanky Panky Paulson, the man whose decisions in his original handout plan were “non-reviewable” and could not be subjected to “any court of law or any administrative agency.” This man was also worth $700 million as the CEO of Goldman Sachs through June 2006, but whatever.
Such a blatant power grab is yet another example of how effective Republicans are at responding to shocks. Regardless of the fate of their nefarious proposal, they’ve framed the debate. I mean really, we’re bickering over “golden parachutes” for crying out loud! These Masters of the Universe could get parachutes made of lead and still be worth nine figures, and we’re talking about limiting their pay as though they should have any pay left to limit? It’s ridiculous on its face. We ought to seize every red cent these covetous pricks have to their names and buy us some goddamn universal health care.
The one bright spot: our jackass friends are putting together a $150 billion, bottom-up stimulus package to aid state and municipal budgets, extend food stamps and unemployment insurance, provide winter heating assistance and modernize the nation’s infrastructure. And that’s crucial; our infrastructure needs over $1.6 trillion worth of updating and, since January, there are over 760,000 newly jobless Americans who would probably be interested in doing it.
It would be nice if the Democrats finally grew a pair, passed this stimulus package and implemented some tough economic regulations across the board. It would be nice, but as with most things these days, I’m not banking on it.
K.C. CODY doesn’t normally skip the foreplay. To get some of what you missed, e-mail him at email@example.com.