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Davis, California

Monday, February 26, 2024

Otherwise, they’ll kill you

Sometimes, I envy guys. They have a better handle on solving problems dealing with interpersonal relationships among friends of the same sex than girls do.

Take how guys handle cleaning the apartment. When a disagreement about who should vacuum the living room arose between these guys I knew, it escalated to a lot of screaming and finally a physical altercation. All over vacuuming (OK maybe I take it back, boys are lame sometimes)! But six minutes later, everyone apologized to one another, someone ended up vacuuming, Call of Duty was played, and everything went back to normal.

Now if it were an apartment full of girls, someone would have done the vacuuming (seemingly without protest), but she would have silently held a three month long feeling of resentment about the injustice that occurred. And during those months, the girl would remain in this passive aggressive state, intermittently saying a few hostile comments under her breath to her roommates about vacuuming. Eventually it blows over until the next time the issue of vacuuming arises, at which point said girl goes apeshitapparently out of nowhereat her roommates.

Or what about money? Once I was carpooling with three buddies of mine, all guys. At the end of the trip, my friend Lamson nonchalantly said,Alright, I want my gas money now bitches,and all the guys threw their money at his face as if he were a whore sleeping on a sidewalk (which, in some ways, he is) and the issue was settled, no drama.

I wonder if a girl ever said that to her girlfriends, would they have reacted so indifferently? Would they talk smack behind her back, perhaps noting that it was rude how she asked, or that she was inconsiderate to have even asked at all? Would they think of her as greedy because the toll should have been enough?

If you think these questions sound crazy, they’re not. And therein lies the secret for this week’s column: we’re just awful to one another. If you think I’m self-conscious enough when it comes to what guys think of me, I’m absolutely terrified about a girl’s opinion because it’s usually much harsher.

Take any Thursday night at a club. Sure, girls dress sexy to nab a guy’s attention. But guys, you should know that we know that you don’t know the difference between a Louis Vuitton and doggy bag with a handle on it. We buy that shtuff to impress other girls, not guys. And if you think that we want that Return to Tiffany’s necklace so badly because it’s cute, you’re mistaken – we want it because it tells other girls that we have a boyfriend who can afford to buy jewelry from Tiffany’s. That’s pretty much it.

I’m not really ranting about howall them girls be bitchesand how the boys got it right. We’re just too mean to each other sometimes, damnit. I mean, I’m no saint (obviously). I can go to parties and whisperIf I see another black patent leather peep-toe pump, I’m going to shoot myself,as well as the next girl. But we already have problems enough about how guys treat us; we really shouldn’t pile on the hate with girl vs. girl action.

If I were to sum up the difference between how guys and girls handle conflicts, it would have to be the fact that it takes a lot for a boy to hold a grudge. Guys have a way of letting things go – something I wish I could do myself and wouldn’t mind girls dabbling in either.

Then again, the way girls behave has a lot to deal with social issues that can’t be dealt with at length in a column like mine. All I know is that if I see another issue of Cosmopolitan telling me the 32 different ways to give some guy head, while also including another article teaching me how to climb that corporate ladder by ruining the woman superior to me, I’ll have no choice but to pump my fist vehemently in the air and frown vigorously.


LYNN LA admits she’s not that great when it comes to thinking of ideas about expressing her disappointment toward the media. If you want to suggest creative acts of rebellion, e-mail her at ldla@ucdavis.edu and as a thank you, she will … do something. Again, she’s no good with the ideas.


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