“Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis” by Tom Waits
So there aren’t a lot of hookers in Davis. But that’s okay, I can still identify with this song; it’s not like Tom Waits actually gets Christmas cards from hookers either – on second thought, maybe he does. With the song’s sleazy piano and Waits‘ distinctive smokers‘ croon, this might be just the kind of slow burning love song even someone as potentially jaded as a hooker can fall in love with. Besides, when you’re strutting your stuff up and down the cold streets of Davis this weekend – in fishnet stockings and high heels – you just might feel a little like a lady of the night. In that case, Tom Waits and I have you covered. You can thank me later. I recommend a card.
– Zack Frederick
“Baby It’s Cold Outside” by Bing Crosby and Doris Day
Coercion was never so sexy. In this song, Doris Day and Bing Crosby sing back and forth; the basic gist is that she wants to go but he wants her to stay. Somebody must have told Bing Crosby that persistence is a virtue, because this guy does not give up. No matter how many times she says no, that Bing Crosby pretends he doesn’t hear her. Where did romance like that go? Midway through the conversation, Doris Day awkwardly wonders aloud, “Say, what’s in this drink?” That can only be a good sign, right? Nothing says holiday cheer like a little GHB! So don’t worry, Doris Day. It’s Christmas, and this guy seems legit.
– Laura Kroeger
“Player’s Ball” by Outkast
Back in 1993 when 3 Stacks was still Andre and Big Boi was the best rapper in Outkast, LA Reid had the ridiculous idea of releasing a Christmas album featuring all the young stars on the label. The album was a bust, but Outkast’s “Player’s Ball” is a hidden gem.
The duo rap about a different kind of Christmas, posing urban trappings against holiday clichés: “Ain’t no chimminies in the ghetto so I won’t be hangin‘ my socks on.” But the duo isn’t without cheer – it just looks a little different from the eggnog and candy cane version of Christmas: “Cause in ’93 that’s how we coming/ So ho ho ho’s, check my king-ass fro / The gin and juice gots me tipsy … “
So for all the players out there, rock some Outkast this winter.
– Chris Rue
“Mistress for Christmas” by AC/DC
For those with the uncanny ability to distinguish between AC/DC songs, “Mistress For Christmas” is a power chord Christmas classic. Holiday cheer apparently comes year round for AC/DC, if they live up to the talk.
But you have to at least give AC/DC credit for something. With lyrics “I can hear you coming down my smoke stack, I wanna ride on your reindeer honey and ring the bells yeah,” they might be able to score some originality points. Maybe they should feature Lil Wayne on their next release. Lil Wayne definitely knows how to rock – just watch his axe wielding on the Let It Rock video. Beautiful sustain.
Justin T. Ho
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Bing Crosby
My favorite holiday song is Bing Crosby’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.“ I listened to that growing up, so it stands out to me as the ultimate holiday song. It makes me get serious about Christmas coming.
– Julia McCandless