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Davis

Davis, California

Monday, October 18, 2021

Phil0sophy

You can never throw an un-wadded Kleenex and still look manly.

Why do foreigners have sexy English accents, but when Americans speak in a foreign language they just sound like idiots?

In sport video games, why are the stadiums always sold out? Why not at least have some empty seats for the exhibition games?

Is it still considered a MILF if she had an abortion?

Why are there half as many people making money off their blogs than there are blogs about how to make money off of blogging?

People with devious voice messages that seem as if they are talking to you, don’t expect anyone important to call them.

People like to make fun of the new Fixie bike fad, but deep down they think it’s pretty entertaining to watch in the Quad.

Telling someone they look nice when they smile is considered a compliment, but saying they look nice when they don’t smile is considered slightly insulting.

A lot of people who don’t like small talk don’t understand that conversations are not only about exchanging information, but are mostly about making an emotional connection and building rapport.

If you’re a gay man who marries another man, does your bachelor party include only females?

People’s worst insult: Gamer, Noob; Atheist, Secular fundamentalist; Conservative Republican, Flaming homosexual; Mensa Member, Emotionally retarded; Professional athlete, Druggie; American College Girl, Slut; Psychology Major, Indecisive; Philosophy Major, Annoying.

We are more polite to random strangers than we are to people we are around all the time.

My heart can literally freeze, melt, tear and break, which all lead to its destruction. Figuratively, it all leads to different meanings.

Repeated awkward moment: you’re driving in your car with friends and you turn to a radio station playing a shitty song (like anything from Kelly Clarkson), but it is the best song currently playing. Then your friends start looking at you funny until you give the elaborate explanation of why you chose it. Then they say,Dude, it’s fine, why are you making such a big deal of it?” That’s when you make a mental note to bring your MP3 player next time.

In action cartoons there is always the nerdy guy. He either supplies the hero with essential gadgets, or he hacks into the bad guy’s security system. The nerdy guy always ends up being a more key component of the team than the actual hero!

Questions like the following lead to nowhere:Oh wow you live in Kentucky! Do you know a guy named Matt Temin?”

When you are in an obscure or foreign place and bump into somebody you recognize, the more likely you are to sayhito them.

Textbooks always have the most random cover pictures.

There is a negative correlation between how far your pants are from your belly button and how smart you look

When classes don’t have a seating chart, people still never change where they sit on the first day of class. We are such territorial animals.

In movies, when the character sees the future it always shows the future without taking into account they are seeing the future.

Why is ketchup always put on par with mustard? Mustard is in its own league.

Isn’t it annoying when you use a driveway to make a 3-point turn and the owner of the house is at his door and just watches in confusion as you go up his driveway? You have no reasonable way of telling him what you are doing!

Ever have a wrong response to a greeting? “What’s up?” “Pretty good, you?”

Why do we put more effort in the handshake than remembering the person’s name?

During a hookah session, 80 percent of the conversations are about the hookah.

Why do rappers gloat about havingmoney in the bank‘? Investing in stocks or mutual funds is a much better indicator of affluence.

When we hear about our friend’s new job, our first reaction is to ask what we can get for free.

Itching may be more addictive than yawning. And I think I just made you do one or the other.

Is the notion of breakfast defined by the time of day you are eating your meal or does it imply the first meal of the day?

 

LIOR GOTESMAN orders you to send him an e-mail at liorgott@gmail.com or you will have bad luck for 7 years.

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