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Davis, California

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Otherwise, they’ll kill you

They tell you that when you start dating, you’d meet all sorts of guys. Guys that’ll make us laugh, make us cringe, make us hope we could feel like this forever or make us wish we were dead. Worse yet, we’ll also meet guys that make us wish they were dead.


When it came to finding romance in college, I imagined going through a roster of different guys and from each guy I’d experience a whole new little world. I would gain knowledge of what I wanted, learn from each relationship and go on knowing more than before. Every guy would teach me something about myself and about love, and although I’d have my fair share of heartbreak, I’d still come out with a sense of maturity and well roundedness.


Unfortunately, that’s not how it goes. From what I gathered, I believe that girls aren’t dating a whole mess of different guys to get to the one that will be the most compatible. I believe we’re actually all dating the same guythe douche bag. Furthermore, what westruggleto learn isn’t really anything profound, we just learn to avoid this guy.


If you think you are a great boyfriend, or you have a great boyfriend, I’d like to say,Congratulations, kthxbye.If you end up being with this guy for the rest of your life (doubt it), you’re lucky. But for all the guys you had to go through to get to him, you probably experienced a healthy dose of douche baggery, am I right? And for you men out there, despite how great you think you treat your women, there is probably one girl you’ve dated who justifiably thinks you’re a jerk. You might not be a jerk in general, but you were one to her.


I’m not actually saying that all guys are bastards. That doesn’t give credit to the real nice guys out there (rare though they are), and also invalidates girls who are beezies. But, for the most part, a majority of girls date assholes. Since I don’t want to keep sayingthis guyall the time, I shall dub this guy an arbitrary name, like Charlie. It’s a hardy, anonymous American name that reeks of male behavior and asshole-dom.


Who is this Charlie you may ask? Charlie is the guy you’ve been dating that has an inappropriate relationship with his ex-girlfriend. As harmless as it may seem, Charlie still has not gotten over his ex and uses you as some form of relief. He actually has no real feelings for you (and if he does, it doesn’t compare to what he had with your predecessor) and is half-assing his way through the relationship. He maintains the bare minimum to keep you occupied, while his mind and his feelings actually belong to another woman. Why doesn’t Charlie just leave you alone and stay out of the dating world until he’s over it? Hell if I know, he’s just like that.


Charlie can also be the guy who has cheated on you, and for some odd reason, you took him back. He might have just made out with some girl at a party or did the whole monkey dance with a coworker, but as far as you know, he’s been unfaithful and you still found enough reason to be with him. You threw your entire self-respect out the window to be with this Charlie, and for what? A guy you can never trust fully because he lies all the goddamn time, but you keep him around anyway because that’s the type of guy that you’re worthy of? That sounds real nice.


Charlie is every guy who’s afraid of the label. Now, I’ve already talked about this oh-so elusive guy you’ve been dating for months. Sadly, you have nothing to show for it because he likes the idea of remaining single for whatever inane reason he’s cooked up (“I know it’s been two years, but I just want to get to know you better before being with you“). But he’s still trying his best to make sure he doesn’t have to actually give you his best.


Charlie can be the guy who has trust issues and will make you feel guilty for having male friends. Instead of working on this problem though, you cater to his needs by obeying his demands on what boys you can and cannot talk to. Charlie can be the guy who makes you feel less of yourself and makes you feel insecure about your relationship. But rather than reassuring you, Charlie would rather use all his energy to convince you that you’re crazy and demanding.


Charlie is every asshole you’ll ever meet. He will jade you and make you hate dating and men. After you meet Charlie, you will meet another Charlie somewhere else, and restart the process over again. The only silver lining here is that when you’ve decided that you’ve had your fair share of Charlies, you’ll recognize him faster and the red flags go up a little quicker. You will get the hell out of there and find a guy that’ll treat you the way you should be treated.


LYNN LA doesn’t hate guys; she just hates this type of guy. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. To make her feel better, e-mail her at ldla@ucdavis.edu and restore her faith in the male species.


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