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Davis, California

Friday, December 3, 2021

And then I found 5 dollars

If you’re a senior right now, you’re probably feeling pretty good. Aside from the senioritis that has left you with little to no motivation to do anything school-related, you’re sitting pretty. You’re (probably) graduating in June, which, in case you haven’t realized it yet, is next month. There are only 20 school days left, and that’s IF you have Friday classes. Pending the completion of this quarter’s classes and barring some catastrophic clerical error, you are done with undergrad forever! Unless you’re my boyfriend or another one of the unlucky few who have summer school classes.

Summer in Davis: Ewww

You should be ecstatic if not completely high off life right now. But chances are, you’re not. In fact, I’m willing to bet money that the majority of seniors reading this column just had mini panic attacks at the thought of graduating, while most juniors had to fan themselves in order to retain consciousness at the idea of going out into the world in one year’s time. Not that the world’s such a bad place – okay, who are we kidding? The world kind of sucks. Have you watched the news lately? Anyway, I’m betting it’s our unemployment rate that has got you all scared. Over 10 percent in California is not a hope-inspiring statistic.

Well, cheer up, I’ve got great news for you! I have compiled a list of opportunities that you may want to consider if you’re one of those who just popped a Xanax.

Lawn waterer. With the drought situation in L.A., starting next month people can only water their lawns on Mondays and Thursdays. On all other days they will have to water it by hand if they want their manicured, green trophies. Cue recent college grad (you).

Retail. This could be a safe, easy way to make some money until you find something in your field. But be warned, once June hits, you’ll have to compete with all the high school kids looking for summer jobs. It could get ugly.

Try to get lucky. And I don’t mean in the biblical sense, you dirty, dirty people. I mean, do something crazy. Spend all your money on a ticket to New York and wander around trying to find the Cash Cab. Buying lottery tickets would also fall into this category. There’s alwaysthe game show– an American classic.

Trophy wife. Let’s be realistic: There isn’t a Millionaire Matchmaker because no man wants a woman on his arm to simply be beautiful and make him look good anymore. This isn’t just for the ladies. Let’s not forget about that glass ceiling with all the cracks in it or whatever Hillary said. Women are making tons of money, too, and they can be just as shallow and superficial as men.

Move to L.A. and try tomake itin the industry. It’s a classic. There’s always that chance that you could be the next Brad Pitt or Scorsese or whoever. But chances are you’ll wind up getting stuck working as a production assistant, cleaning toilets that are to be part of the background in some cheesy vampire flick that goes straight to the SciFi channel starring that girl who once dated John Cusack and Matt Dillon’s much uglier, way less-talented brother.

Nanny. Another classic. Although anyone who saw that really bad movie with Scarlett Johansson might want to think twice about this option. If the kids don’t get to you (fat chance), the parents sure will.

Full-time student. I don’t think there have been so many people dying to stay in school since the Vietnam War. Only a draft or our economy could induce such scholastic-loving panic.

 

DANIELLE RAMIREZ truly hopes that every single graduate has the best of luck in finding a career, or at least a job to tide them over while studying for the MCAT, GRE, LSAT, etc. E-mail your complaints or boasts of post-graduation plans to dramirez@ucdavis.edu.

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