About two weeks ago I asked my girlfriend to give me a massage, and frankly it was a bit of a disappointment. But I told her it was great because I didn’t want to make her feel bad, but now she’s offering to give me another one. What should I do here?
– Suffering in Silence
I’m sorry to hear your girlfriend’s massage abilities aren’t up to your expectations. I’d say I can empathize, but if I did I think my next massage would probably be more painful than your last one.
I would strongly urge you not to spill the beans and confess that the last massage was sub-par; it’ll unnecessarily ruin her day and decimate any potential for future happy endings.
I therefore suggest that you avoid this problem altogether by offering a solution that not only makes it unlikely that she’ll give any more unpleasant massages but will also bring you closer as a couple: massage classes.
And wouldn’t you know it, The Experimental College is currently enrolling for a Back and Neck Massage class that meets from 7:15 to 9:45 on Wednesday evenings and runs from May 13 through 27. Space is of course limited, and in fact it may be full by the time you read this.
Now, it does cost 49 bucks each (plus $10 registration fee), but I think it’s well worth the investment considering the difference between a good and a bad massage multiplied over the course of however long you plan on dating.
Besides, $49 ain’t jack compared to what those massage parlors in downtown Davis used to charge.
My ex-boyfriend texted me the other day saying he was going to be in town and asking if I wanted to hang out. He broke up with me six months ago and we’re on decent terms, but lately he barely ever initiates contact with me. What’s going on? Why did he decide to text me now?
– Ex Communicated
One of two things is happening. Either he’s realized that he made a mistake when he dumped you and wants to get back to the comfortable, fulfilling relationship he thinks he remembers (with a regular supply of nookie, of course), or he just wants to have sex with you now that it’s convenient.
It really is that simple, don’t over think it, and if you go out somewhere make sure you’ve got a ride home.
As for why he never initiates conversation, that too is pretty simple: He broke up with you because he didn’t like you. So given that he doesn’t like you, why the hell would he want to deal with all your social and emotional baggage without any of the perks (i.e. the sex), when it’s clear he didn’t want to deal with that baggage even when the perks were in the picture?
He’s calling now because if you play along there’s the potential to skip baggage claim altogether and hop on a one-way flight to pleasure-town.
K.C. CODY usually answers more questions than this, but he’s still pondering how to respond to one particular inquiry. In the mean time, send your own to firstname.lastname@example.org.