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Davis, California

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Column: Hold the mayo

I hope you enjoyed your long weekends of visiting with Grandma, eating loads of pie and falling asleep at the dinner table – thanks tryptophan! Now it’s back to the books for the next two weeks in hopes of passing with flying colors. I know you can do it! Maybe I’ll even see you in the library.

But let’s hold off on the studying and stressing for a bit because I have food on the brain. Maybe because I’m still eating leftovers. Or maybe because I just love food so much. Either way, I can’t stop thinking about it.

We know we’re supposed to eat to survive, but there are so many occasions where food becomes the main spectacle. From Thanksgiving and Hanukkah to birthdays and Christmas, we engorge ourselves with all things delicious.

Yes, even sex is an event we sometimes incorporate food into. Don’t you like to spice things up once in a while?

Remember the Seinfeld episode when George is overpowered by the scent of a vanilla candle making him hungry? He figures out how to make pudding skins and decides to add television to his equation creating “the trifecta.” His girlfriend then catches him eating a pastrami sandwich, while watching TV during foreplay. If you’re not laughing yet, go watch the episode.

While George finds a pastrami sandwich to be an aphrodisiac, some may turn to oysters or chocolate to stimulate arousal. While science is on the fence about any of these things really working, I say give it a go. There’s no harm – unless, of course, you’re allergic to shellfish. That could turn ugly.

My roommate told me one of her friends used Nutella to get the mood going. She rubbed it all over some guy, and then let the licking begin. When you’re using it like she did, of course any chocolate-hazelnut spread will get you aroused. I would suggest showering after. That sounds like one sticky yet delicious mess.

Now for you non-chocolate lovers out there (I don’t like to believe you exist), some good-old-fashioned whipped cream might just do the trick. It’s sweet, creamy and easy to lick right up. Just be careful of those hard to reach places. Oh, and if you’re lactose intolerant, maybe not such a good idea. Trust me on this one.

And if you’re a health freak, you might want to try the reliable strawberry. They’re the color of seduction and you could try them with champagne to get the senses going. If you’re feeling adventurous, you could feed them to your partner. But try not to choke the guy.

The idea of sex and food used together began in the ancient days when making babies was everyone’s goal in life. According to gourmetsleuth.com, “aphrodisiacs were sought to insure both male and female potency.” This explains a lot. Since our world is arguably overpopulated at the moment, I’d like to think we use these delicious treats for pure pleasure.

There’s a whole market out there for you and your special someone to enjoy the sugary side of life. Did you know they have edible underwear and flavored condoms? Even candied whips and body frosting? So whatever you fancy, there’s something for you.

You might be thinking this is gross and food is for the kitchen and sex is for the bedroom (or vice versa). It’s perfectly acceptable to experiment, though. Some people just have trouble getting things going in the bedroom … or kitchen.

If you’re a food lover like me, you know many mouth watering items fill the shelves. Some are meant to be eaten with a knife and fork. So I’d keep those off limits. But others – well, it’s up to your imagination. You could even use the chocolate, whipped cream and strawberries in one fun filled night!

ERICA BETNUN will be eating and studying for the next eight days. Care to join? She can be reached at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.

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