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Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Column: Greasier than ‘Jersey Shore’

I’m sure it was someone’s new year’s resolution to eat healthier this year. It certainly wasn’t mine.

Eating healthy, in my opinion, requires an exorbitant amount of grocery shopping. You can’t eat healthy if you’re going out to eat every night. My old roommate did that, and he’s fat.

When it comes to shopping, oil is still one of my most favorite items. My favorite dish to cook at home is a pasta, sausage, sundried tomato and feta cheese mixture, which leaves solid chunks of olive oil at the bottom of the bowl when I refrigerate it. There’s nothing healthy about it.

But I don’t really know anything about food, or general health for that matter. I took Nutrition 10 once, but everything I still remember from the class I knew already. Nutrition 10 also taught me certain items from Taco Bell are healthy, and I choose not to believe it out of principle.

Like most other restaurants and food in Davis, I’m pretty volatile when it comes to liking or disliking their food. For me, Taqueria Guadalajara will go from absolute anticipation to complete disgust in a matter of 20 minutes. Same with anything from Old Teahouse or Ohana’s.

Really though – I went to the North Davis Guadalajara two nights ago, and like usual, I’m having second thoughts about ever eating there again. This is what I always think when I finish my super burrito with black beans and pastor, after staring at my plate and shuddering at the chips that seemed so appealing 20 minutes earlier. I’ll die at 60 if I keep this up, I tell myself. I really will.

The one thing I don’t end up regretting about Guadalajara, however, is the water they serve. They supply clear plastic water cups that are shinier and more translucent than any glass cup could ever be. They fog up the moment you pour ice and water in them, which would never happen with a paper or styrofoam cup. Something about the clear, fogged cup makes the water cold and crisp, forcing the drinker to pause after gulping to continue the conversation.

Guadalajara probably supplies the clear cups to make sure you aren’t filling your water cup with Coke, which you really can’t blame them for in a college town that cried murder when Chipotle stopped serving free drinks to students.

In reality, Guadalajara isn’t that great – the chips are oily, the food is oily. But it’s delicious, and I’ll probably go back next week.

Guadalajara is only a case in point – I’ll spend money on food any day, no matter how unhealthy it is. Spending money on food shouldn’t be an obstacle, either – I won’t save my wallet by living off of the Wendy’s Dollar Menu, because the Wendy’s Dollar Menu tastes like an AM/PM sandwich pickled in urine. Thankfully I don’t live in South Davis.

Spending money on food is my only real regret about anything, anyway. Take Coachella, for instance – like any other music festival, Coachella seems like a big, bittersweet shotgun blast to the stomach, and a $300 dollar 3-day pass would surely end in regret. Tuesday’s announcement of this year’s lineup was probably only exciting for fans of John Mayer’s shirtless Depp-ish shots on the cover of this month’s Rolling Stone. And Muse – really? These classically trained, British versions of the Jonas Brothers couldn’t be more mediocre.

Festivals in general are wishy-washy. Watchable bands are usually black dots in a crowd of sunglasses and cigarettes. I sat, stood and slept on the damp grass for hours to see Radiohead at Outside Lands a couple years back, missing every other stage that day and bearing the torment of Manu Chao and Steel Pulse.

The food there probably won’t be that great, either.

JUSTIN T. HO can’t stand Yelp, but sure loves Fever Ray. Even if his friend Kyle thinks Karin Andersson has a horrendous face. Send a 3-day Coachella pass to arts@theaggie.org.

3 COMMENTS

  1. I love music and I can’t resist listening on them. At John Mayer interview, the whole bunch of people had to look up the definition of “napalm” after the John Mayer Playboy Interview got leaked. Apparently, we, as a nation, are really that dumb. It’s a jellied form of gasoline that, when dropped and exploded, sticks to people in the area and burns them alive. (It takes more than a payday loans worth to undo the damage.) Jessica Simpson has laughed it off, and I think we’re all waking up to the fact that Mayer isn’t the brightest bulb in the box. He also, incidentally, isn’t a great guitar player either or song writer. He isn’t in Megadeth for a reason.

  2. Wait… what was this article even about? Was it about you eating healthy? Was it the cost of food? does someone even edit this paper anymore?

  3. Dude, Taqueria Guadalajara is amazing! Don’t be such a hater. Who said burritos are supposed to be healthy? Besides, there are other decent taquerias you can eat at in Davis. What was the point of this article anyway?

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