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Davis, California

Friday, July 30, 2021

Column: Dear Mario

For this week, I’ve decided to get my precious, beautiful readers more involved.

Last week, I asked you to send me your personal questions about relationships and sex. The e-mails poured in and my inbox was filled with your questions. Although I don’t have the space to answer them all, I’ve selected a few interesting inquiries.

Without further ado, here is this week’s “Dear Mario” column.

Dear Mario,

I am a big advocate of love – I love it! But in October, I got my heart broken and didn’t even see it coming.

So, on many days, I get very easily annoyed at that couple sitting next to me on the bus or the lovebirds kissing in the rain. Who can blame them, though? It’s disgusting and adorable at the same time. What do I do to get over this?

– Your fellow Aggie searching for new love

Fellow Aggie,

I know exactly how you feel. Having endured heartbreaks before, I know it’s not always an easy process to recovery.

I once dated a douche who thought it was okay to be in a relationship with me, yet have secret sex with guys he found on the Internet. I cut that jerk out of my life in an instant. I was so hurt and felt absolutely low. It amazed me how one guy could make me feel so invaluable and disposable.

Post-heartbreak, I hated those lovebird couples. I would think to myself, Yeah, it’s all cute and gushy now, but wait till the bastard breaks your heart. You’re going to regret every kiss, every hug, every fuck.

But in time, Fellow Aggie, my heart mended – and yours will, too! I can’t give you a specific time frame; everyone has to recover at their own pace. What I can tell you is you will get better – it’s just a matter of time.

I’m not discouraging you from feeling low or bitter. That’s natural. Just take the heartbreak as a lesson to learn from. Rebuild yourself. Gain confidence. Make it all about you and move on from your past relationship. Sooner or later, that cute couple on the bus won’t bother you, because you’ll know you don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Dear Mario,

I want to start having frequent, anonymous sex in public places. So far, I have had no luck. Do you have any advice about how I can up my success rate and decrease my “get away before I call the cops” rate?

– BigBenjy69

I admire your sexual courageousness, BigBenjy69. There’s nothing wrong with sex in public – a lot of people get off on it! The only tricky part is finding a partner who’d be willing to do so with you.

For starters, don’t just mosey on over to the nearest attractive person you see and ask to have sex right there. Get to know him or her. Lay down the charm. Even if it’s just sex you want, you have to cajole your partner into it. So start off with talking.

When you have talked and are both comfortable, move your conversation into sex. Simply asking what they like or what they’re willing to try can take you a long way. And once you find the right person, you’ll be getting down and dirty in the public place of your choosing in no time!

Dear Mario,

I was wondering if you could write about long-lasting relationships with men. I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy for more than a month and I’m wondering if it’s possible for two gay men to stay together for decades.

I’m not trying to sound negative. I just want to know if you think it’s possible.

– Armando

Of course I think it’s possible, Armando – I’m currently in one! I’ve been with my boyfriend Arthur for nine months and it’s been great.

But long-term relationships do require a lot of work, a lot of give-and-take and a lot of compromise. And sometimes guys aren’t willing to put the work into it.

What guys like you and me – guys who feel ready to find a solid relationship – need to remember is most guys think with the wrong head, gay or straight. Not too many college-aged guys are ready to settle down just yet. But that’s okay.

My best advice to you, Armando, would be to just date. Date your ass off. Whether you’re with a guy for a month or a lifetime, every relationship has some value. There’s always something to be learned. So don’t give up just yet. Keep dating. Just remember the road to your perfect prince charming has some frogs along the way.

Once you find a guy you can see yourself with, don’t hesitate to tell him how you feel. Be willing to put a lot of effort into the relationship, too. No matter how much you love each other, a long-lasting relationship needs constant tending to.

MARIO LUGO works! Stop by Silo Sandwiches from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. today to say hello. He also might do this “Dear Mario” thing again in the future, so don’t hesitate to send those questions to mlugo@ucdavis.edu.

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