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Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Column: Kiss through the phone

Being a college student is hard work. You have to manage your time between classes, work, partying and – for some – a relationship. For those of you in a relationship, you know it can be challenging to maintain the lust and passion that got you there in the first place.

If you and your loved one both live in the same city, things are a lot easier to manage. Enjoying each other’s company can be a daily occurrence. You can even go study together at the library. Try to avoid the PDA, though – there are people trying to pass their classes.

What if your significant other lives on the other end of the state, opposite side of the country or even in a different country?

There seems to be a negative stigma about long-distance relationships. Many people believe it just can’t be done.

But I, my dear readers, am living, breathing proof that it’s not all bad.

We met when I was a sophomore and he was a junior. We spent a lot of time together in Davis during that time, but knew it might not last forever.

After staying together while both of us studied abroad during different quarters, our feelings for each other have endured. With about 400 miles between us, we find that trust – like many other lovebirds find – is the most important factor in a long-distance relationship.

David Coleman, a dating doctor who claims he’s “America’s real-life Hitch,” gives some advice for those who believe absence makes the heart grow fonder (which, according to him, it does not). On his website, he says “trust, respect, intimacy, passion and commitment” are the basis for healthy relationships.

When distance separates two people who love each other, they begin to miss each other’s presence – and yes, the sex, too. Coleman shares a list of the do’s and don’ts on the site. So if you’re in a rough spot with your far-away hunny, his words of wisdom may be of some assistance.

My friend and her boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship. She thinks it sucks. She also thinks, however, that it tests the strength of their relationship.

Valentine’s Day was the worst for her. She was reminded by a huge balloon bouquet delivered to one of her roommates that she would not be spending the day with her boyfriend.

She told me, though, that they randomly send cards to each other through snail mail. And for Christmas, her boyfriend bought her a Southwest gift card so she could see him more.

Another friend who was in a long distance relationship up until Sunday says, “I know they can work as long as you have the next trip planned, have an end to the long distance in sight and have good communication.”

Yes, communication is also key when you’re committed to someone who’s miles away. In this day and age, it has never been easier to communicate with your loved one when you are unable to be with them. So thank technology for the invention of computers, web cameras and the Internet. Without those things, you might be up “relationshit” creek without a paddle.

I’m not going to lie. Long-distance relationships are hard and take a lot of work. There’s a lack of proximity and a lack of intimacy. But fellas, you have your hand. And ladies, perhaps a toy might do the trick.

If you really love the person, you’ll make it work. Just make sure he or she knows you care about them. Make an effort to visit each other whenever possible. And know you’re not alone in long-distance relationship land.

ERICA BETNUN is counting down the days till spring break. Have anything fun planned? Let her know at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.

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