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Thursday, October 21, 2021

Column: Medium rare

This week’s column is dedicated to all the males that roam this Earth, especially you Aggies. So enjoy, boys!

Last month, we celebrated – or mourned, in some cases – a holiday known for its red hearts, chocolate and roses. This month, there’s another special holiday that you might not be as familiar with. (Perhaps Hallmark doesn’t think it’s as profitable.) You may have guessed it from reading the title, but if you haven’t, I’ll tell you what it is.

Although I’m a few days early, I’d like to wish all you boys a Happy Steak and Blowjob Day this March 14.

While us girls – well, some of us – enjoyed candle-lit dinners and life-size teddy bears, our guys were thinking a month ahead … and about their head. Yes, that head.

While this holiday may never make it on the Gregorian calendar, in Boy Land, it’s just as important as the 4th of July, maybe more.

According to UrbanDictionary.com, Steak and Blowjob Day is to be celebrated one month after Valentine’s Day, the holiday commercially known for pleasing women. On Mar. 14, a woman (or man) will grill a steak just the way the guy likes it and proceed with fellatio just the way the guy likes it.

You may be wondering why I would support this holiday and am devoting an entire 600 words to it. But pleasing the one you love is important – even if it means cooking a nice, juicy steak.

I’m not telling you to get down on your knees (even though your guy will probably enjoy it) but make sure his needs are met, too. Relationships are give-and-take. You take, you give. Simple as that.

Most guys don’t want cards and candy. They don’t want to be seduced with sexy lingerie, although it’s nice to look at. They just want a big, fat, juicy steak followed by, well, you know.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for women’s rights and equality, but there’s more to it than that. It’s about making each other feel good, emotionally and physically. You should feel wanted and needed by your loved one.

So, ladies, if your man has been hanging out in the doghouse recently, maybe his steak and blowjob will have to wait. Don’t just give in to his needs. Make sure yours are taken care of as well. He may have been an incredible valentine, but don’t let that one day make up for his list of wrongdoings.

But if he’s been a good boy, fire up that grill and show him who’s boss. You might even get some in return.

As I was writing this, I was sitting in a room with a few of my friends. I asked them how they felt about this holiday.

“Pass on the steak, go straight to the BJ,” one of them said.

Guys, I bet you’re wondering how you can meet this friend of mine. Well, that’s top secret. Sorry.

Don’t worry. I asked for a guy’s opinion, too.

“I’m not going to say both sexes can’t enjoy aspects of both days, but the original, comedic idea is pretty clever,” the guy said.

He thinks both Valentine’s Day and Steak Day should be celebrated equally. Wonder if he’ll be getting his steak and eating it, too.

You might think this is not a real holiday. Well, you’re right. It’s not – but neither is Valentine’s Day. While one is supposedly meant to please women, the other is to please men. But every day, like I’ve said before, should be “Please Your Significant Other Day.”

I would also like to wish a certain, special someone a very happy birthday!

ERICA BETNUN has a little over one quarter to go. If you’re freaking out about graduating, let her know at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.

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