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Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Column: Like a virgin

We’ve all heard the song. You know, Madonna singing about making it through the wilderness and being touched for the very first time. Yeah, that’s the one.

Well, this little tune has been stuck in my head for the past two weeks. Ever since “The Power of Madonna” episode on Glee, I too have been singing about being touched for the very first time.

So last Wednesday, as I made my way about campus with “Like a Virgin” in my earbuds, I was surprised to find fellow columnist Erica Betnun’s piece in reference to virginity and refraining from sexual activity. It’s like she has ESPN or something.

In her column, Erica introduces us to Lolita and Rafiki, two UC Davis females who aren’t like virgins – they are virgins. They have their reasons and their morals for not getting down and dirty – reasons like STDs, pregnancies and not wanting to do it with “just anybody” – which, to me, are pretty justified concerns, I suppose.

But the word that didn’t sit too well with me was “morals.” I don’t agree with a virgin being any better of a person – even the most sexually active, sexually adventurous and sex-positive individual has morals. If Lolita, Rafiki or any other person with an un-popped cherry decides to wait until marriage or until the right person comes around, more power to them. But their abstinence makes them no better than someone like me who steadfastly believes in the mantra “an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

Erica says “it’s okay to not have sex,” and she drives that argument home with pop culture references. For one, Lady Gaga is celibate now. I remember back when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were the hottest Hollywood hook-up. It was a shocker to hear BritBrit wasn’t a virgin. Now, the media’s in a tizzy when the new Princess of Pop – with her songs about disco and vertigo sticks – goes celibate. But hey, she’s busy with her never-ending tour, she’s writing new material for her upcoming album and she’s too busy getting into her outrageous couture. She doesn’t have time for sex.

Even television supports people like Lolita, Rafiki and Gaga. As Erica mentions, Glee had an abstinence club. Keyword: had. That club hasn’t been mentioned since the pilot episode, honeybee. Do your Glee-search.

In the Madonna tribute episode, however, the “first times” of three characters are showcased in a sexy and sultry song-and-dance routine while singing “Like a Virgin.” Even I was surprised at how risqué the routine was. The choreography is centered on a bed, with each couple simulating sexual movements in their next-to-nothing nighties. Take that, abstinence club.

My first time was nothing worth singing about. It was awkward, uncomfortable, confusing, frustrating and not too pleasurable. The guy was far from prince charming and I remember thinking to myself, Aren’t I supposed to feel something? Turns out, my first time was with someone who wasn’t so well endowed.

For those of you who have yet to do away with your v-card, don’t let people lie to you. Size matters. It might hurt your first time. Hardly anyone knows what to do their first time. Almost everyone is nervous their first time. And lastly, only you know when you’re ready.

So don’t let friends, the media or Lady Gaga influence when and where you have sex. You’re the boss. You say when. You say where. You say how hard you want it.

Ooh, that’s kinky.

MARIO LUGO is too gay to function. That’s why he used a Mean Girls quote in today’s column. If you found it, e-mail him at mlugo@ucdavis.edu.

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