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Davis, California

Friday, May 17, 2024

Column: It’s not you, it’s me

Davis, I’m not sure how to say this, but we need to see other people. Don’t worry – it’s not you; it’s me. The time has come for me to go on to bigger (maybe not better) things, and I don’t think you’re ready to move on with me.

You’ve given me the best four years of my life (in bed and out) and I’m not sure how to express my love for you in words. But I’ll give it a try.

You introduced me to some of the most incredible people I have ever met (you know who you are) and let me gallivant through Europe for a semester.

You taught me how to drink beer through a hose and funnel while on my knees, you let me pee outside of the MU in the middle of the night, and you have given me the confidence to face the world ahead of me.

You may have terrible rainstorms and unbearable summer heat waves, but you make up for it with your springtime bliss (although, you’re really doing a bad job this year).

Davis, you’ve wowed me with the debauchery you call Picnic Day and the gathering of hippies you call Whole Earth Festival. If you let me, I may come back for a visit or two.

You let me sail the open waters of Lake Shasta – more like Lake Let’s Have Sex. I don’t think I’ve seen more half-naked, drunk, horny people in one place. Thanks, Davis.

I even learned a thing or two, so thanks to all the professors I’ve had. Some of you probably don’t know who I am. That’s okay.

Most importantly you’ve allowed me to share my thoughts about sex and relationships for the past nine months. I appreciated all of your comments, even the not so nice ones.

And for those of you who shared your stories with not only me, but also the entire UC Davis population, god bless your soul. This column would probably not exist without you.

I’d like to thank Adam Loberstein for giving me this opportunity and allowing me to have full reign of my topic – I think he may have even learned something. (Did you end up getting that steak and blowjob?)

So, Davis it’s time for me to find a new place to fall in love with. Don’t worry I won’t leave you hanging. I know you want to know my secrets. Here goes nothing.

I like being on top. Who doesn’t? I own multiple vibrators, although I don’t use them often. I have yet to do it in the Death Star – perhaps as an alumna it will happen. Food makes things more exciting. I say the stickier the better – hello, that’s what the shower is for. Sober sex is better than drunken sex. But having sex high is pretty damn fun. And I’ve made out with a girl or two.

As a 22-year-old approaching my college graduation, I feel ready to face the relationship and sex world. Yes, I have a lot more to learn. But that’s the beauty of life.

I hope I didn’t let you down, Davis. You really rocked my world and I wouldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t for you. I hope you feel the same way about me.

Don’t cry. We both know it’s for the best and I know you’ll make some new girl just as happy as you made me.

And you never know, we may cross paths once again and live happily ever after.

ERICA BETNUN wants to congratulate the class of 2010 and cannot believe it will be over in just a few days. If you want to keep in touch with her e-mail her at erica.betnun@gmail.com.


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