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Davis

Davis, California

Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Column: “Spitting Game”

Urban
Dictionary

defines “spitting game” as “when a person tries to pimp someone of the female
persuasion. Many times it involves one male macking on many other females.”

Why
are you trying to “spit game” at that girl, bro? When, in the grand scheme of
your life’s plan, did that strike you as a good idea? Was it when you started
hanging out on the “Jersey Shore,” kicking it with Pauly D and The Situation as
you posted up in your dope hot tub with some “dirty dirties?” Because I can see
how, within the realm of that hyper-specific scenario, spitting game might have
seemed an applicable tactic. But this is college, not the sleazeball ridden
streets of late night Miami, or that cesspool of a thing Snooki might call a
hot tub.  

So
I’ll ask again, why are you trying to spit game at that girl? Do you think
she’s stupid? That her gender indicates a lack of intelligence, thus
qualifying  her as susceptible to
the extremities of your charm? Or is it an arrogance thing? Are you another
victim suffering from the narcissistic delusions of self-love? And now, in your
self-enraptured state, you falsely believe that if you spit that game in
maximum efficiency mode, that brief stint where you’re “in the zone,” you
automatically must woo any given female?

 Either way, I think you’re wrong. Not
just ethically speaking, but in your essential approach to girls altogether.
Bro, you’re just going about it all wrong. But don’t mistake me here, readers.
I don’t want you to think of this as an “advice column.” Because who am I, a
lowly junior undergrad, to tell you what to do with your lives? I can hardly
live my own life, let alone tell you how to properly live yours. So don’t think
of this particular column as “advice,” per se. Think of it as optimism
expressed through pessimism. Or, rather, idealism communicated from a critical
perspective. Because that’s how I do. I want the world to be this, but I see
that, so I say this.

So
forgive me for my momentary self-righteousness (optimism) when I say, in my
most “James-esque” manner, that I think “spitting game” to be conceptually
bullshit. Yeah, fools, I went there. Wassup. Wanna fight? Yeah, me neither. I’d
rather just explain why I think spitting game a fallacious idea.

Now,
while I get that a guy generally has to make a move on a girl (because that’s
how this stuff goes down, unfortunately), I find it a disturbing prospect when
a guy — generally young, wanting to portray confidence — acts as if getting a
girl via “spitting game” was entirely up to him. In other words, guys often
apply the phrase as if picking up girls depended entirely on how effectively
they “spat game” at any given female. And not to sound like some pretentious,
quasi-feminist douche who is, secretly, only motivated by a desire to get his
own D sucked, but it is demeaning in regards to women. Because yes, when you
break it down, it is a sexist notion. Believe it or not, girls do have a choice
in the matter.

Of
course, I’m aware most of us know that, especially the mostly-intelligent
college demographic. But even the best of us forget at times. Occasionally, it
even seems like guys “forget” its politically incorrect status on purpose, as
if spitting game was actually code for some sort of psychological mechanism
that allows a temporary (and perhaps false) boost in confidence.

But
ask yourself seriously, does spitting game actually work on a consistent basis?
I’m not talking about the promiscuous beezle-berries you see drunk at a club in
New Jersey. I’m thinking college girls. You know, the supposed intelligent
types. So really, does “spitting game” at them ever actually get you somewhere?
Maybe, depending on the scenario. A party in the form of a blackout fest,
perhaps? Something along those lines? But otherwise, not so much.

Maybe
this is just me, because I don’t really “spit game” in the strict sense of the
phrase. I do something else. I’ve found it pretty effective in the last year or
so, too. I talk to
girls. You know, like they’re human beings? Shockingly, girls tend to
appreciate that.

But
don’t take my word for it. Just ask a girl how they like having game “spat”
upon them, as opposed to being talked to, and learn yourself a lesson.

You
probably aren’t going to get some sort of high score depending on how smoothly
you deliver that joke. How cleverly crafted that line was probably won’t
matter. But feel free to e-mail JAMES O’HARA about your successful “game
spitting” stories (or not successful) at jpohara@ucdavis.edu.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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