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Davis

Davis, California

Monday, October 25, 2021

Column: Davis partying: A to Z

From A to Z, these are the terms
one needs to know to party successfully (and safely!) in Davis. 

Alpha Male-ing it: Just being a thug in general who, without trying, gets all the
ladies.

Bros Icing Bros: When one “bro” springs a Smirnoff Ice alcoholic beverage upon another
bro, thereby emasculating the iced bro who, required by the laws of bro-hood,
has to chug the given Ice.

Catty McCat fights: An extremely rare occurrence comparable in probability to the birth
of a star that involves two girls engaging in a physically violent brawl over a
man. This usually involves hair pulling and alcohol consumption. Yeah, I saw
one of these (just recently). It changed my life.

Dirty Dirties: Creatures of the female persuasion that possess questionable
characteristics. Generally speaking, a derogatory phrase used by sexists to
describe the sexually promiscuous at a party.

E-tards: Kids who take ecstasy and reach sexual climax (in their pants) at the
mere thought of a rave.

Four Loko: Commonly
referred to as “black out in a can,” Four Loko is an alcoholic energy drink
hybrid for stupid people who prefer not to remember their night (my friends and
I).

Grenade: An unattractive female who has been designated, with some hesitancy,
to be “contained” by a sacrificial bro. One “takes a grenade” to help a fellow
bro land a non-grenade.

Hemingwaying it: Writing an essay or doing a homework assignment while you’re drunk as
shit. Like my bro Hemingway once said “write drunk; edit sober.” (It’s how I
roll; can you tell?)

IPTing: IPTing, also known as “Ignoring Party Themes” is, as the name
implies, the process of ignoring the annoying themes hosts try to implement at
their parties. Realistically, however, it is a system used to identify the
social conformists who think, mistakenly, dressing up is cool (it isn’t).

J in the B runs: Hitting up Jack in the Box when you’re plastered. Because
really, who goes to Jack in the Box sober? I always get an ultimate
cheeseburger. Dog food never tasted so good.

King’s Cup: A
card-deck-involved drinking game for the sad souls who are afraid to try their
hand at beer pong. Commonly referred to as “troll corner,” because it is often
where one is relegated after suffering from an extreme BP failure (see definition
of “Troll”).

Loitering outside AM/PM: That one spot where Davis students who have nowhere better to be,
but are too ashamed to at stay home, go to stand around in the hopes of looking
cool. They do not succeed.

Mediocre Mornings: A common weakling complaint along these lines: “Ugh. I’m never going
to drink again. I am sooooo hungover. I straight blacked out last night.”
Ultimately, a meaningless statement for most college students. That is, the non
Jonas Brothers-esque of us.

Never mind Nights: The night following a prolonged daytime hangover (See “Mediocre
mornings”); a period in which you feel great, because you felt shitty all that
previous day. “I’m so down to get shit faced tonight,” said the recently
hangover-less alcoholic masquerading as a college student.

One-night stands: Hit it then quit it. This is a timeless classic, and a
must-include.

Picnic Day: The renowned Davis event that gives students the excuse to be drunk
morning ‘til night. There’s also some booths somewhere, or something.

Quickies: In
and out is great for a quickie. That is, having sex, quickly.

Running Russell: Cruising Davis’ Russell Boulevard (frat row) for
whatever. Frats, girls, guys, drugs, alcohol, Hogwarts. You name it, Russell
has it. Until after first year, then it’s just a Freshy wasteland.

Slizzard: A
state of absurd intoxication. Derived, probably, from that terrible and
terribly catchy song about being like a jet (like a G6? What a stupid
comparison). I approve this term for wide use.

Troll(s): Those
who fail to make a single shot in God’s sport (beer pong). Social outcasts.
Shun them.

Ur-in, Ur-Out: Bathroom line too long at a party? Piss on a fence bro!
Ur-in, Ur-out. ZING!

Vomiting:
Throwing up. An act performed by those who ain’t man enough to hold their
booze.

Wacky Waking: Regaining consciousness somewhere mysterious, like a
curb.

X marks the spot: A male or female “target;” the ideal mark one designates for mating
at a party.

Yelling at freshmen: Yelling “freshmen” at pretty much anyone from a moving
vehicle, thus reminding victims of their lesser status while affirming your own
sense of self-worth. It’s good fun.

Zealous Ned: A
Zealous Ned is a male who pursues a female in an overzealous, too intense
manner, thereby cock-blocking himself. A tragically common occurrence.

 

JAMES O’HARA enjoys using slang to define slang and
making cultural references within cultural references. Complain to
jpohara@ucdavis.edu.

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