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Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Column: Stoner Etiquette 101

Fall quarter is nearing its long-awaited end, and as I push to give out valuable information about marijuana before my last column comes up, I’m brainstorming what should be shared with my college constituents.

There’s so much that can be discussed concerning cannabis, and in particular the political atmosphere is hot right now – there’s more talk on legalization and a trend of higher voter approval of taxes and ordinances on medical marijuana all over the state.

Arizona became the 15th state to legalize the drug for medicinal purposes.

The new nominee for DEA administrator, Michele Leonhart, is not someone you would want to toke with.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger recently said on Leno, “no one cares if you smoke a joint or not,” and a picture of one graced the front cover of this week’s Time magazine (of which my stoner pals have said, “they could have rolled a nicer joint”).

Publicity-wise, all’s good in the land of green, but there’s certain information on weed that you simply can’t read about in most magazines and newspapers, or watch on television.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Stoner Etiquette 101: a simple list on smoking manners you should know if you’ve recently joined the Stoner Club.

(The first rule of Stoner Club is you do not talk about Stoner Club – though I say knowledge shared is knowledge gained.)

1. Puff, puff, pass.

Thou shalt take two hits from thine’s smoking apparatus before passing to the next smoker. Due to my problems with counting to the number two, I often forget this golden rule.

2. No lighter jacking.

You may have heard of swagger jacking, but lighter jacking is by far a more criminal offense. Nothing’s worse than having a packed bowl for yourself without a lighter in sight. (The late night trip to 7-11 is worth it in the long run, but such a hassle.)

3. Got some to match?

Smoking out your buds with some bud is always a nice gesture, but always receiving and never giving goes against Zen smoking philosophy. It’s polite to contribute and “match” with some of your own weed, or plan on smoking out your supplier in the future.

4. Got five on it?

Same principle. Put down $5 if you have nothing to contribute.

5. Don’t kill the mood.

It’s great that you know about infant mortality rates in Africa, but not everyone wants to hear about that when they’re delightfully away from life’s woes. Paranoid attitudes are unwelcome as well. Be chill.

6. Don’t expect to be smoked out at a party.

It’s always nice to meet friendly and willing tokers at parties, but beware of strangers preying on your weed like starved piranhas in a lake full of bloody caribous. Similarly, don’t assume any stranger will smoke you out like you deserve it.

7. Don’t pass ash, or an empty bowl.

And if there’s nothing left, repack, repack, repack.

8. Spilling bong water is a no.

It’s stinky, like your stinky smoking attitude. And you better hope you didn’t break that bong when you knocked it over!

9. Mind the rotation.

We all get a turn. Don’t forget to pass.

10. Smoke and stick around.

Don’t get smoked out and just bounce. It’s rude.

This list is not exhaustive, but it’s a good starting point for proper manner in social settings. When everyone in the group knows what’s up, you’re bound to have a good, civilized time.

Of course, there are no real rules to smoking marijuana, except to maybe enjoy yourself and relax. Allow your mind to explore and appreciate the world around you. Chill out and take in the moment.

And be a responsible smoker – enjoy yourself, but don’t lose yourself in the high life. Everything is better in moderation. Weed should not get in the way of the daily grind. Rather, adjust your smoking habits to work around pesky midterms and other activities that require more mental attention and responsibility. Take a tolerance break if you have a test coming up.

With that being said, just say no when you have to. Don’t fall into peer pressure, and don’t peer pressure others to smoke if they don’t want to, you jerk.

Take pleasure in random conversation, confusion and epiphanies. The best part of smoking with other people is enjoying everyone’s good vibes. Have fun!

Did MAY YANG miss any other stoner etiquette rules? Tell her what’s up at mayyang@ucdavis.edu.

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