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Saturday, May 25, 2024

Letter to the Editor: Will Benware

On UC execs there dawned a light,

“Lehman Brothers got it right!

Their Wall Street mantra we’ll adopt,

Our paychecks will nowhere be topped.

“Bear Stearns, it also leads the way:

‘To us vouchsafe the highest pay.’

You’re questioning why this must be?

You needn’t ask; it’s plain to see.

“Carping students have their nerve,

We only get what we deserve.

Our critics simply fail to see

Ontological reality.

“In truth we are the very best,

As our fat paychecks do attest,

With bloated pensions we’ll retire,

In spite of all the public’s ire.

“We know exactly what we’re worth,

Of comparable talent there’s a dearth.

If you deny our hard-earned stature,

We’ll move on to a greener pasture.

“So wake up, students, public, all,

To Wall Street’s motto we’re in thrall.

Execs like us do not come cheap,

So pony up without a peep.”


Professor Emeritus of Linguistics


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