63.4 F

Davis, California

Monday, June 17, 2024

Editorial Board: A year in review

Editor 1: So, what are we writing our last editorial about?

Editor 2: I want to write about the shitty weather. Does anyone
else think the weather sucks?

Editor 3: Who doesn’t think the weather sucks? Is that really a
matter of opinion?

Editor 4: We can always write an editorial complaining about
ASUCD. I’m sure they’ve misallocated money somewhere.

Editor 3: Does anyone really care if they spend a little bit more
or less than they say they will?

Editor 5: The only problem I can really see is in their

Editor 3: And their incessant bickering through comments on our

Editor 1: To quote Gary Stewart, sometimes our best just isn’t
good enough.

Editor 6: We always complain about ASUCD. I think we need to write
something positive … about the awesome new power outlets in the library. An
editorial congratulating André Lee on his accomplishments? Maybe discussing our
undying love for <BOLD?

Editor 2: Okay, fine, but make sure you include a complaint about
the lack of power outlets at Delta of Venus.

Editor 4: A task for the City-UC Davis student liaison commission,

Editor 2: They’re too busy trying to stop college students from
drinking on Picnic Day.

Editor 5: Not that there’s anything worth drinking with Four Loko
off the market.  

Editor 1: But seriously, back to the outlets. Nobody cares about
Delta of Venus but the Domies.

Editor 3: Well, they have nowhere else to go.

Editor 4: That’s a good point. Where will the Domies live next
year? If they live in a normal, square structure are we even allowed to call
them Domies? Will they start wearing shoes or learn to suffer with glass in
their feet?

Editor 1: Now that is what I call experiential learning.

Editor 3: Speaking of experiments, I think we could really use
another dueling editorial on animal testing.

Editor 2: It’s interesting to note that people are worried about
words that hurt people but not research that hurts primates.

Editor 4: Sounds like an issue for Dumbledore’s Army.

Editor 3: For the record, I am over the Harry Potter references.

Editor 2: For the record, everything you say around us is on the
record. It’s my personal policy.

Editor 4: That doesn’t sound too different from the
administration’s policy. Is spying an ethical way to obtain information?

Editor 6: Only if you’re spying on commie liberal protestors.

Editor 3:  You know, the problem with the protestors is that
they want to make their voices heard but don’t want anyone to show up.

Editor 4: Just like ASUCD. They want to be written about, but only
on their terms.

Editor 1: No more complaining about ASUCD!

Editor 3: Then what do we have to complain about?

Editor 2: Is anyone else upset about the weather?



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