Dear Gabby,
My roommate and I get along well and enjoy living together, except for one problem. Her boyfriend is at our apartment all the time, he walks around in his boxer-briefs, he doesn’t wash his dirty dishes and the two of them are always hooking up when I’m trying to study. The worst part is our beds are only separated by a thin wall, so when they have obnoxious sex – to the point where my bed shakes – it keeps me up at night. I’m not sure how to bring this up with her. What would you say?
– Awkwardly awake all night
Dear Awkwardly awake all night,
Your roommate may very well be a great person who has no malicious intentions of making your life hell, but some people are seriously lacking in the common sense department. She either doesn’t know that her sex keeps you up at night or she thinks you don’t care that it does. Sex can be an uncomfortable topic. Parents, teachers and nurses have always had a knack for making sex-related conversations really awkward, but now that you’re in college and living on your own (with sex fiends) it’s time the awkward sex talk made a comeback. Tell her that there is something you have been meaning to talk to her about and set aside a time to chat. Start by saying that you have been feeling uncomfortable about her boyfriend always being at the apartment – because it is your apartment, too – and bring up a few examples (dishes, distractions, nightly noises, sex, etc.). Ask her if she could please tone it down and end the conversation by telling her that you have nothing against her or her boyfriend, you just want to be comfortable in your home. The worst thing you can do is say nothing at all, because your silence implies that nothing is wrong. And believe me, when the sound of your headboard wakes you up because of her sex, something is definitely wrong. In the words of the poetic John Mayer, say what you need to say. You deserve some R-E-S-P-E-C-T and a good night’s sleep, for that matter.
Dear Gabby,
I am a freshman this year and I am having a bit of a problem. My roommate doesn’t like to go out and meet people and would rather stay in our room and Skype her boyfriend. I don’t know many people here in Davis and I’m pretty shy so I don’t feel comfortable venturing out all by myself. Any advice on how to make friends on my own?
– Lonely freshman looking for fun
Dear Lonely freshman looking for fun,
I feel bad for your roommate who would rather stay in and blow kisses to her MacBook than go out and enjoy the newfound freedom you have been given as a college freshman. Oh, how I miss those days. Not to worry, as I’m pretty certain that there are lots of other freshmen that feel the same way, so to you (and them) I say this: If you are a shy person, there are lots of events out there, like ice cream socials, movie nights, trivia nights, etc. that your RA is probably reminding you about every 15 seconds. These are the things you want to go to, even if you are only stopping by. If it’s hard for you to start a conversation with a completely random person then try inviting your next-door neighbor to the pool or to get frozen yogurt at Yoloberry (fro-yo will almost always get you a yes!).
Meeting people in class with a simple, “Hey, is this seat taken?,” “Have you bought your textbook yet?” and even “Hi, I’m a lonely freshman looking for fun (or your actual name) and I don’t know anyone in this class; let’s be study buddies!” is always an option.
Remember that freshmen are all new here, so most of them are wishing for the opportunity to make a new friend. That’s where you make like a genie, come out of your bottle and grant them that opportunity! Before you know it, you’ll be out and about all the time and your roommate may even ask to tag along.
My number one piece of advice to you is to not get sucked into seclusion because of a fear of new people. Take the plunge and introduce yourself because at the end of the day this is college, not high school, and people don’t care about cliques and popularity, so you really have nothing to lose.
Dear Gabby is written by a psychology major who is eager to answer your crazy, random and even serious questions. Send questions to ucdeargabby@gmail.com All senders will remain anonymous – unless you would like to have your name in print and become famous.
