Bros: You’ve seen them around Davis. Whether they’re racing past you on their bikes wearing lacrosse pinnies or drinking Natty Ice on their front lawns blasting Jack Johnson, they’re everywhere.
College campuses across the nation are facing a similar emergence of the bro culture. With so many fraternities, more and more bros are coming out of their man-caves for some sandwiches and possibly, even some action from a slampiece. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, check out mylifeisbro.com or brobible.com.
Although I’ve been on these websites more than a few times, my own experience with bros is fairly limited. Sure, I’ve been creeped on by some in tanks at frat parties (Side note: If you don’t have the body type to pull off a tank, please don’t) but I can’t say that I’ve spent enough time with the bro type to know everything about them.
You might be wondering then: Why the hell is this girl talking about bros if she doesn’t even know everything about them? To tell you the truth, I’m fascinated by bro life. How chill would life be if someone made me sandwiches and brought me Natties while I sat around playing Call of Duty all day?
Obviously, that isn’t really what bro life is like, but their lives do seem much more laid-back. I found some instances that were very characteristic of bro culture, at least from what I’ve seen of it.
There are certain qualities that set a bro apart such as his style. He could wear anything from dingy basketball shorts and sandals to a popped collar Lacoste shirt and Sperrys. Never fear, girls, there are many types of bros: you could find a typical frat bro or even a chill smoker bro to fit with your ideal qualities for a guy.
Worried that your ideal bro is just a dumb guy? Don’t worry; bros love to turn normal words into words that are more suited to their lifestyle. It’s not unusual for one to say, “Yo, did you have to read that broem by Edgar Allen Bro for class?” or “Dude, chillest painter ever was Vincent Van Bro, no doubt.” Clearly, they simply adjust their diction to make it compatible with bro vocabulary, or “brocabulary.”
Concerned about the lack of healthy lifestyle in a bro’s life? Stop trippin’, they may love drinking and eating sandwiches, but they also love sports and weights. Plus, if you’re the girlfriend of a bro, it’s pretty much expected to make him a sandwich, so why not make it healthier?
As far as exercise, you can often find bros checking themselves out in the mirrors at the ARC or doing some loud grunting exercise with a fellow bro right in front of the girls.
The classic bro is a lax player, but now bros have involved themselves in all types of sports from basketball to inner-tube water polo. It’s not as common to see a bro doing individual sports because it prevents him from “bronding,” with the bros on his team. Think about it, the guys who invented the “bro code” would never leave a bro behind. It’s just not chill.
Speaking of the “bro code,” these guys strongly believe that it’s not ok to get with your bro’s girl. The motto, “Bros before Hoes” is still in full effect, so girls if you decide to date a bro, his entire frat may be ahead of you in terms of importance.
Another aspect of bro life is the party scene. Expect there to be lots of icing and kegs at a typical bro party. Facebook pictures after the chill night will reveal red cups, hazy smoke and plenty of bros photobombing in the background wearing sideways CinciNatty (get it?) Reds baseball caps.
Just be aware that bros can get even louder, especially under the influence of alcohol. Girls, try not to get stuck in the kitchen, because you will most likely end up making the sandwiches.
So there you have it, readers: Bro Life in a nutshell, at least from what I have seen and experienced of it. Life is chill for them, so chill in fact that I’m jealous of some parts of it. Maybe if I fill up my wardrobe with bro tanks and tell people to make me sandwiches, I too can become a semi-bro. Fist bump?
MEDHA SRIDHAR is going to hold out her fist until you pound it. Contact her at email@example.com.