Editor’s note: This year, MUSE will be featuring more local artists and performers by creating a space for artists’ works to be shown. And this week a poem written and performed by Ruby Ibarra entitled “Beyoutiful” is on spotlight.
Ruby Ibarra is a rapper and spoken word artist from San Lorenzo, CA. She is a former member of UC Davis’ spoken word collective, SickSpits and an alumna at the university. She has rhymed for over six years and has been fortunate enough to be featured in noted web-based publications such as Worldstar Hip Hop, XXL Magazine, and MTV & VH1’s blogs.
The content of the poem in its entirety, spelling and diction included, are intended by its author.
I wanna be 5’5″ with brown eyes
Big breasts, small waist, and nice thighs’
Cause I only see myself through your eyes
So I don’t eat, but I’m fed with more lies
So I try and I cry and I purge and I vomit
The urge to be honest, with no courage to just stop it
Society’s ideals, so I feel I need a shield
Skipped another meal so I can keep my appeal
But my skin starts to peel, I can no longer feel
What it means to be real, so I fall on these heels
‘Cause who cares about the frame that holds my diploma?
Or the train of my thoughts that molds my persona?
Or the way I’ve been brought up to be as a grown up?
But it’s the body’s frame trained by the way of society’s boner
‘Cause I have to be 5’10” and in trend
And only feel good about the clothes that I’m in
Experience defined by the beds I’ve climbed in
Shadowed by a mask that I’m forced to hide in
So of course I lie then, thinking each night I need to lie beside men
Drinking each time my pride inside is rising
Trying to find me, but I’ve lost what I’ve been
Who’da thought that it’s me that I fought each time and
All at the cost of what I’ve become
When I look into the mirror I feel numb
Staring back at me are super-sized thighs, empty, hollowed eyes
Heart full of cries, brain filled with lies, body materialized, so I
Nip and I tuck, I snip and I pluck
Lips covered in muck, hips controlled by these cuffs
Can’t stick to my gut, I’m fixed and I’m stuck
I’m tricked by this bluff ’til I’m sick and throw up
This shit is corrupt, I’m forced to grow up
Can’t fit in this stuff, this change is abrupt
Stick thin ain’t enough, must be thick with C cups
Tears drip as I rub off this make-up that’s rough
Society’s planted silicones, so we end up being sickened clones
Stuck in this cyclic flow of afflicted bones
So don’t let your sister know that she’s worth more than lipsticks and combs
And that her blisters will show every time she vomits at home
When your parents aren’t home, and she’s all alone
Only seeing what these magazines and TVs have shown
I wanna be a covergirl, so I cover the real girl
But if you peel off these pearls, under’s a concealed world
Of a girl with hopes and dreams, brighter than things that gleam
Who knows that she’s a queen, knows what her life means
‘Cause I can only be 5 feet with slanted eyes
Geek and kinda shy, small feet and crooked smile, just me, with no disguise!
Next Tuesday, SickSpits will have its first open mic night of the quarter at Central Park from 7:30 to 10 p.m. Spoken word artists like Ibarra will be performing their pieces. For more of information on Ibarra specifically, visit: www.rubyibarra.com/.