There is a group of individuals on this campus who have long suffered under the tyranny of the majority. You won’t see this group camping on the Quad or rallying through campus. This group’s resistance is silent and relatively ineffective.
We are of course referring to the bright-minded left-handers of UC Davis. Being a lefty is hard enough. We constantly toil under our oppressive right-handed overlords, struggling with scissors and can openers. But we survive. We build nations and fix world issues.
However, our biggest battle is silently being waged in lecture halls across the country, especially at UC Davis. We’ve accepted our fate of having to sit on the aisles to get those lefty-specific desks. Yet, quite too often we find these note-taking apparatuses occupied by the same oppressors who have herded us like sheep to the aisles. Yes, righties are using these desks.
The motives for righties taking lefty desks are unknown. Perhaps they want the end of the row so they can leave early and beat the rush to the G line. Or maybe they simply want to see the lefties of the world struggle and constantly bump elbows with their neighbors.
But enough is enough. These desks are designed for people of our unique ability. We need these seats so we can take legible notes and continue being the best and brightest. When we don’t get these aisle seats, we can’t retain knowledge as well. When we don’t retain knowledge, we can’t succeed in this world. When we can’t succeed, we can’t get elected president. Five of the last seven U.S. presidents were lefties, including Obama.
So righties, give us these seats. That’s all we ask. It’s not that hard, and it will make the future leaders of the world much happier.
I only use the lefty seats when there are absolutely no more seats left (which has happened before) or if I arrive late (such as getting from one class to another in 10 minutes and the classes are on opposite sides of the campus) and don’t want to stumble across students’ backpacks to get to a seat in the middle.