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Friday, April 12, 2024

Column: Attached at the hip

Once we no longer have to study or go to class or do any of that boring stuff, our time is freed up to date and have some good, old-fashioned, red-blooded sex. Our limited experiences from college aren’t a good representation of all the lovin’ that’s out there waiting for us. We don’t really know what our favorite kind of ice cream is until we’ve tried a bunch of different flavors. I hear the metaphor. I’m not implying that we turn into slutty whores but we really don’t know what we’re looking for until we’ve realized what it is we don’t want. Also, sex is fun as hell and completely natural so engage away!

One-night stands still have a negative connotation, but society views casual sex with a less discerning eye. Plus, denying feeding the beast every once in a while is a crime! Something we do need to deny, however, is heading home with a boning-buddy when we’re too inebriated. And trust me grads-to-be, I know we’re all well-versed in being completely shit-faced and doing bad things. Don’t. We’re guaranteed to make dumb sexual mistakes like going downtown or condom-less groin-bumping without proper questions being asked. You don’t want to wake up the next morning with herp on your lower derp.

If the sex is good but both parties don’t want anything serious, avoid the “friends with benefits” route. That doesn’t exist regardless of what Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis try to tell us. Getting the chance to knock your socks off without the pressure of appealing to their relationship needs? Sign me up! Too bad someone is guaranteed to grow feelings whether they admit it or not. We’ll come to see that everyone’s heart really lives in their penis or vagina.

At some point, we’ll tire of the hookups and seek something more substantial. Buy some courage and ask that person out for a cup of coffee instead of a dinner at a fancy restaurant. At night our inhibitions are lowered, there’s dim lighting and candlelit meals, alcohol is prevalent and sex is rampantly on the brain. With these out of the way, getting to know the other person will be easier. We’ll learn a lot more about others when our minds are only partially littered with thoughts of ripping each other’s clothes off.

Make sure to be as honest as possible during those first encounters but leave the crazy at home. We’ve all got our weird quirks and traits but don’t let them be the first things a date learns about you. They’re more inclined to think our neuroses are cute within the full context of our personality. Without the complete picture, we just come off as bat-shit crazy.

We have to remember to prioritize the importance of our flings in respect to our professional lives. If we’re fledgling and not settled financially, a new love interest can easily throw us off our game. Birds and butterflies and Taylor Swift songs will be flying around our heads pulling our focus from our work. Not to mention dating means a higher frequency of haircuts, manicures and paying for dinners. If rent looks like a problem this month, dating will make it worse.

Don’t be afraid to go out of your comfort zone, either. Date older people for a change. They’re typically smarter, more mature and over the hard partying, making them a nice respite from our friends who drag us out every weekend. Explore other ethnicities or people on different career paths. Dating those who are just like us is boring as hell. All the fun should come from learning about people with different life experiences and dissimilar histories than our own.

It’s time to make dating a serious sporting event. If you want more than the usual suspects, surround yourself with better suitors. Make sure the guy or girl you’re falling for has goals that line up with yours. Want years of traveling before having a couple of kids with your mate? Dating a med student about to start their surgical residency may not be ideal regardless of how perfect they are. There’s nothing wrong with bars and clubs for meeting people, either, but utilize dating sites with good success rates where we’re more likely to find people with corresponding goals. Dating and sex is a means to open the door to people we want to share our lives with. Better make sure they’re a good fit (I hear the pun).

JAZZ TRICE is single! Step one: Message him at jazztrice526@gmail.com or twitter.com/Jazz_Trice. Step two: Go on a coffee date with him.

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