Doc Joe is a psychologist and attorney who has consulted with and advised people of all ages. Katy Ann is a licensed marriage and family therapist, who, like Doc Joe, has counseled and advised people of all ages. The discussion and advice offered in their column is not offered as a clinical recommendation or as a substitute for clinical treatment. Rather, Doc Joe and Katy Ann’s comments are intended to stimulate thought, often with a sense of humor. Sometimes they agree; sometimes they don’t. So, read on…
Dear Doc Joe & Katy Ann:
I am a 21-year-old junior majoring in economics. I met Celia three months ago. We seem to have a really good relationship but we have a big problem and I need your advice. I don’t think I can stay with Celia unless we resolve this issue.
After we decided to be exclusive, Celia began posting on social media, telling her “friends” about our activities. At first, it was limited to describing when we went out and where we went. Lately, she has been posting personal details of our relationship, such as what time we went to bed, and even if we were intimate. I really like Celia, but I find this to be humiliating and embarrassing. How should I handle this?
Justin, in Michigan
Doc Joe: Justin, this sounds like decision time. First thing — you need to decide whether this problem can be fixed or whether you are dealing with a “fatal flaw” in the relationship.
Katy Ann: When you have a problem in the relationship, you need to talk it out to try to understand each other’s point of view and decide whether you can make changes.
Have you explained that her postings lead to your embarrassment and that you want her to stop the postings?
Doc Joe: Good point. Is the problem her posting on social media or is the problem inappropriate sharing about private aspects of the relationship (which seems to approach the outer edges of betrayal)?
Katy Ann: You don’t kiss and tell. That is as old as the hills. So there are two layers to this. First, will she stop posting intimate details on social media? Second, can you trust that she will respect the privacy of the relationship in general?
Doc Joe: Justin, if the answer to the above is not “yes” and “yes,” then there is a fatal flaw in the relationship. It sounds like you highly value privacy in your relationship.
Katy Ann: Sounds like decision time.
Doc Joe: Well, there you have it.
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