Ask Doc Joe and Katy Ann

Doc Joe is a psychologist and attorney who has consulted with and advised people of all ages. Katy Ann is a licensed marriage and family therapist, who, like Doc Joe, has counseled and advised people of all ages.

The discussion and advice offered in their column is not offered as a clinical recommendation or as a substitute for clinical treatment. Rather, Doc Joe’s and Katy Ann’s comments are intended to stimulate thought, often with a sense of humor. Sometimes they agree; sometimes they don’t. So, read on…

Dear Doc Joe and Katy Ann,

I am willing to admit that I don’t understand women very well. I’ve been with Penny for two years, and I still don’t know what to say when she’s upset.

So last night she came home from work, and started crying. She came over to the couch, sat down next to me, and began telling me about her conflict with a co-worker, “Paula.” Well, she began by telling me what time she got to work, how Paula was dressed and what Paula said when Penny commented about her shoes. She then described the project that they were both working on, and how they couldn’t agree on the budget figures. This eventually led to some harsh words being spoken by both of them.

Well, after listening to Penny’s story for 15 minutes, I told her that I had a suggestion. I suggested that she sit down with Paula and attempt to compromise on some budget issues.

WRONG! She jumped up, and yelled: “You don’t care how I feel!” I was trying to help. But Penny hasn’t spoken a word to me in two days.

Doc Joe and Katy Ann, I need your help — urgently!

Sean, in Nevada.Dear Sean,

Doc Joe: You interrupted her story? Bad move, Sean!

Katy Ann: I have the impression that she wanted you to hear the story.

Doc Joe: Yep. Dates back to early times. Story telling was the earliest form of therapy.

Katy Ann: …and communication, I find that, often, people who tell a story to a loved one are not

looking for solutions; they just want to be heard.

Doc Joe: Katy, you know that guys like to solve problems.

Katy Ann: Sometimes all that is needed is listening, not solving.

Doc Joe: Are you saying that a good listen is worth a thousand words (of suggestion)?

Katy Ann: You’re catching on, Joe.

Doc Joe: Sean. Apologize for not listening.

Katy Ann: I’m guessing that she can solve her own problems. She just wants you to understand the situation … to understand her.

Doc Joe: Well, there you have it.If you’d like to get Ask Doc Joe & Katy Ann advice, please contact us at askdocjoeandkatyann@aol.com. Include your name, state of residence and your question, along with a brief description of the situation.