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Davis, California

Monday, May 27, 2024

Eat Me

Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day everyone. As of now, we’re being deluged with tips and tricks for landing a night with that special someone. And, on top of that, we’re receiving advice on how to “spice up” that special night through all sorts of novel bedroom activities.

When such recommendations appear, they almost inevitably involve food. My theory is that most people associate Valentine’s day with two things: chocolate and sex. So, when pressed for topics to write about for their annual “love and sex” issue, many authors go, “we should tell them to have sex with chocolate! It’s two great things in one!”

Now, I’m all for incorporating food into your sexytime (although literally having sex with a chocolate bar is not recommended), but a lot of the advice about it tends to be vague. So, today we’re going to have a quick and dirty primer on how to bring food into your sex life.

As always, communication is key. You need to talk with your partner(s) about any allergies or intolerances they may have to food, so you don’t end up spending your romantic night in the E.R. It’s also a good idea to go over food preferences and dislikes, so nobody ends up accidentally disgusted.

If you’re playing above the belt, you can pretty much use anything that strikes your fancy. The classics include items such as chocolate sauce, whipped cream and fresh fruit, and you can lay them out on your lover in whatever manner is the most pleasing. When selecting your edible pleasure, you may want to keep a few things in mind. First, how much mess and clean-up are you prepared to deal with? If you’re hoping for less mess, you might want to steer clear of runnier substances, like chocolate sauce, and go for more solid, spreadable options like nutella (although they tend to get a little melty due to body heat).

Second, how is the substance going to interact with any body hair that’s present, and is everyone okay with the outcome of that interaction? If you don’t feel like washing honey out of your chest hair (or your partner’s chest hair), you may want to stick with solid foods (like a trail of M&M’s or gummy bears across the stomach, for instance).

Now, if you want to introduce food below the belt, you need to be more selective in your items. The two substances you must avoid are those that are oil-based (like whipped cream) and anything with sugars in it (like chocolate sauce).

Oil-based foods are a bad idea because they break down latex condoms, as well as trap irritants and bacteria. Sugary substances can cause bacteria and yeast growth if they are placed in a warm, moist environment, which is what the area below the belt is. But what happens if you want to spread honey on your honey (sorry, couldn’t resist) and you really want to pay attention to their lower half? I suggest focusing on their legs, which are still nice and sensitive, without being prone to yeast infections.

If you want to add flavor to your oral sex, you have a few options. The first is to use flavored condoms/dental dams. Now, since I didn’t go over them in the contraception columns, a quick word on dental dams. They are rectangles of latex that are used for either cunniligus (mouth to vagina) or analingus (mouth to anus). Most varieties, like those carried at the Love Lab, come in different flavors, so you can choose one that tickles your palate.

One other option is to look for flavored lubricants that are safe to use with condoms/dental dams. Sliquids are a very popular brand, as they are both water-based and long-lasting. Just remember, it’s still not a great idea to bring flavored lubricant into direct contact with genitals, so you should use them to enhance oral sex in combination with a barrier.

I hope these tips have given you a few ideas on how to please your taste buds and your partner at the same time. And, there’s one more incentive to introduce food into your sex life: After you’ve had your tasty, messy fun, you can jump into the shower and help each other get clean.

SAM WALL thinks you should check out the Project Sexcess campaign on Facebook or email sewall@ucdavis for details.


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