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Davis, California

Saturday, September 18, 2021

Naughty networking

If you have internet, a photo of your genitals and a little bravery, you can be like some of the other UC Davis students who have found connections online.

The Davis “Down To Fuck” Facebook page (Davis DTF) receives approximately one risque post a day, including details about the student poster, a description of their perfect potential mate and their contact information.

For example, anonymous Italian DTF poster No. 1 loves to eat both pasta and pussy and is looking for a “little slap and tickle between classes,” while anonymous Latina DTF poster No. 2 is fun loving, but can kick ass when necessary. She wants a lover who can “take all [her] crazy” and still appreciate her.

If students aren’t DTF, but rather DTR (down to relationship), they might find it helpful to scan recent Davis Craigslist postings.

UC Davis students Juliet, a 21-year-old communication major, and Romeo, a 23-year-old computer science major, are a couple who regularly use Craigslist’s online classifieds to search for partners who enjoy threesomes.

Despite their occasional bad dates, Juliet believes that “threesomes are funsies! And [she doesn’t] feel like hitting on all [her] friends to do that,” and Romeo loves getting a “new mischievous unhindered self to explore with.”

Recent Davis Craigslist posters include a “generous muscle man” who’s seeking “dudes with smelly, sweaty feet & socks” and a “smooth mahogany woman seeking [a] bold man.”

But if these Davis desperados aren’t your type, Craigslist bachelor No. 3 might be more your style. He’s a self-described nice guy whose “mother taught good manners” and can tell “by your face if you are a chronic abuser.”

It’s sometimes hard to find a date who appreciates your sexuality. This was certainly the case for Lonely Hearts, a 20-year-old psychology student who moved to Davis from Sunol, Calif. last year.

Lonely Hearts downloaded the Grindr iPhone app, which many of his gay, bisexual and questioning friends recommended, because he wanted the security of being able to flirt with other men without the “potential of getting punched by some homophobe.”

Lonely Hearts didn’t find love online, but he did learn a useful lesson. The night before LH’s final paper on frog hearts was due, he met a person who claimed to be a herpetologist on Grindr. Lonely Hearts didn’t hook up with the frog expert, but did say, “the resources [the herpetologist] suggested ended up being incredibly useful … this random guy on a hook-up site essentially helped me to get an A.”

OKCupid should have been named Mediocre Cupid for 25-year-old physics student Lolita, who had the “weirdest coffee of [her] life” with a man whom she met on the free site last summer. She said that he was “good looking, but as [she] got to know him, he made it pretty clear that he endorsed plastic surgery, if not encouraged it.” He told Loltia that he “only dates at a certain level of physical attractiveness.”

Lolita doesn’t believe that OKCupid is best known for “their hoards of hot supermodel women” but endorses meeting online dates in coffee shops, preferably ones with familiar escape routes.

Cyber love isn’t for the faint of heart. Strangelove, a graduate student and self-described masochist, public sex enthusiast and voyeur, dumped his OKCupid account after realizing that it is “a lot harder to find people associated with kink” on typical dating sites.

Last year, Strangelove joined Fetlife.com, a BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism) community similar to Facebook.com, through which he has made approximately 30 friends, many of whom he has met in real life.

Because Strangelove works for the University, his greatest fear is students getting hold of his nude images, to “manipulate, hurt or blackmail” him. But Strangelove leaves his profile up because he believes that his online life isn’t just about meeting people, but also about expressing “kink and polyamory as not part of a deviant subculture, but a legitimate part of [his] identity.”

May luck and love be with you. The internet is a vast place, full of lonely lovers. Your Queen of Hearts, Sadistic Hades or Lonely Hearts could be waiting.

KATELYN RINGROSE is 5’2”, with brown hair and green eyes. She would love to hear the story of your cyberspace romance; email her at knringrose@ucdavis.

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