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Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Cleaning up

If you think you have a drug test coming up, you should stop smoking now.

The cheapest and most common type of screening is the classic piss test. It is also the easiest one to pass.

If you’re a heavy smoker, you should take about a three week break before a urine test. During this time, drink as much water as you can. And of course, you should not ingest marijuana in any shape or form, including edibles, concentrates, or shakes.

Instead, drink tea. And go on runs and get sweaty.

Avoid other smokers. Second hand smoke is not only mischievously alluring, it can also get into your system and make you fail your drug test.

Sometimes, it is the act of smoking that people get used to, not particularly the weed itself. These people find it pretty easy to give up getting high so long as they have cigarettes or hookahs or Spice to turn to. It is true that these alternatives are legal and won’t fuck up your drug test, but they will take a toll on your health.

There are many other safer, smokeable alternatives. The Happy Herb Shop, online and in Berkeley, has a line of “non-addictive herbs for relaxation, pleasure, happiness and breaking habits!” Smoking these mixes provides an effect comparable to that of getting high, and you can even choose between herbs meant for sleeping, stimulation, and general “happiness.”

The idea is that you should start off by mixing these herbs in with the weed in your bowls or blunts. As you get used to smoking this new stuff, slowly and casually begin to use less weed and more mix in your sessions. After a while you should cut out weed completely, and only smoke the herbal mix. It is much easier to quit smoking weed if you ease out of it instead of dramatically cutting it out of your diet.

If you find yourself missing the psychedelic effects of marijuana, then you might benefit from trying a little bit of salvia.

Salvia is legal, safe and relatively cheap. It comes in different potencies, with 10x being the gentlest, and 80x the strongest. It is definitely not an everyday herb like tea or marijuana, but a little toke might satisfy your urge to feel high.

Avoid detox kits. These are expensive and usually don’t work. Urine tests can even detect the chemicals in these detoxifiers; though testing probably won’t even be necessary, since your piss usually turns blue or green after trying them out.

While you might find testing a little unfair and unnecessary, you have to remember that it is within an employer’s every right to do so, especially after some sort of workplace accident.

You should also remember that having a doctor’s recommendation does not protect you from drug tests, and you can still be fired (or not hired) regardless.

LEO OCAMPO can be reached at gocampo@ucdavis.edu.

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