Trying to understand: Risky game

Haven’t you ever wondered what goes on in the opposite sex’s heads when it comes to attraction, flirtation and relationships?

Every single person has differing preferences, but hopefully this will shed some general truth and provide a few answers — at least in the case of guy-girl relationships. I’m aware that relationships between people of the same sex can be just as tricky, but I personally have obtained more insight into the workings of opposite-sex relationships.

For the ladies out there, I have some news: guys aren’t as nonchalant as they seem. News for the gentlemen? … Girls aren’t either. Contrary to what some may think, both genders do discuss and inform their friends about potential love interests and attractions on a regular basis.

When it comes to attraction, the consensus seems to be that everyone freaks out, gets nervous and behaves unnaturally.

Although it may seem like guys could care less about this stuff, an interview with Justin Zamora (third-year, 21) and Macklin Bolton (first-year, 18) proved otherwise.

It appears that the most nerve-wracking part of attraction for most people regards making the first move. Although the guy is typically the one who feels obligated to do it because of what society deems proper, girls are just as capable.

Making the first move simply requires a lack of fear of rejection. Just figure out a way to cleverly score some digits (without relying on wikiHow for help) or strike up a conversation.

Bolton and Zamora mutually agreed that guys make it more apparent when they are interested in someone, but girls feel (and seem to act) oppositely.

“Personally, I would much prefer that girls approach us,” Zamora said. “That doesn’t happen but it would be much preferred. Because we make it obvious, I think a girl should pick up on that and approach us.”

However, it’s difficult for girls to be sure of a guy’s feelings because they seem to act so nonchalant.

Georgia Savage (first-year, 18) said she would rather have a guy make the first move because she would be too hesitant. Many girls feel like this but the thing is, so do most guys.

This is where life gets confusing. Every person has contrasting viewpoints on who should take the initial steps and when it’s appropriate to do so.

“I feel that we, as guys, do make it a little more obvious but I don’t think that the girl should make the first move. I think that should be the guy’s responsibility,” Bolton said (a statement I disagree with – I think dating should be an equal playing field).

So why does the time in between initial attraction and making the first move seem to take forever?

Bolton says that guys “strategize.” They admit to themselves and their friends that they like someone, but try to avoid ruining anything by coming off too strong too fast. However, I think most girls would prefer a speedier reaction instead of just wishing the first move would be made.

Because, let’s face it, both guys and girls wish something would happen but no measures are usually taken until safety is ensured and rejection is impossible. Newsflash: You’re never safe so just do it.

This “in between” time is therefore typically filled with awkward (yet exciting) encounters, and this strange urge to impress the other person by doing things to stand out.

Whenever I observe or participate in this compulsion to impress someone, I’ve noticed than it oftentimes either fails someone completely, or looks entirely obvious. As Bolton explained, he does this unconsciously and later realizes how silly it is.

Another confusing matter concerning dating and attraction is the issue of the “three-day rule” – the period of waiting after a first date to text, call or contact the other person.

It’s commonly discussed between males and females separately, but most people don’t know what the other sex’s thoughts on the matter are.

“Guys, generally, like to follow the three-day rule because of what their perception of what a girl’s mentality is like. They feel like a girl doesn’t want a clingy guy. They want an independent guy and that three-day rule sort of establishes a false sense of independence. We want to talk to them immediately afterwards but we don’t necessarily do that because we want them to know we have our own lives,” Zamora said.

However, a large sum of women would prefer that guys contact them the next day. We don’t think a guy will come off as “too forward” if contacted the next day because with attraction usually comes the desire for communication.

Nothing is going to progress if a three-day span of no contact occurs. Seriously, what does the three-day rule accomplish? Nothing. Instead, you might run the risk of the other person assuming you’re no longer interested. If that’s not the case, contact the next day seems to be popularly preferred.

It’s a risky game because there are no clear answers or preferences, so taking chances is essentially what people must do. Things may go awry, but then again, YOLO.

Questions, concerns, need advice? SAVANNAH HOLMES can be reached at skholmes@ucdavis.edu, or you can find her trolling around campus and people-watching.