I’m still trying to understand everything. Well, almost everything. Not sweatpants. I completely understand sweatpants.
My goal in this quarter’s worth of columns was to explore some random and commonly unthought-of things in life and that’s exactly what I did.
However, even though this column marks the end for this quarter, I still find myself contemplating many aspects of humanity in general. Another 20 inches worth of text is nowhere near enough space to investigate and analyze all of the confusing situations that life sometimes presents me with.
So, instead, I shall leave you with some wise words: Go ahead and accept the confusion that most likely consumes you, and then reward yourself with a new pair of sweatpants. It’s a win-win situation.
I’ve realized that when I take the time to think about all of the intriguing circumstances that I am commonly witness to, I feel obligated to rant about them and find an answer as to why something is the way it is.
In my first column, I explored the evolution of flirting and came to the conclusion that men and women are just too confusing for their own good.
In the second, I pondered what distinguishes a joke or story from being “funny” or being flat-out hilarious and ROFL-worthy. Apparently, it just depends on how willing one is to let their laughter flow freely. I’ll admit that I’m still a little confused as to how some people, upon hearing what I consider to be a hilarious joke, can control their laughter so it doesn’t reach levels of embarrassment.
Because certain people are just so freaking funny that I don’t understand how others barely acknowledge their humor. It’s like “Are you actually trying not to laugh right now? Or what? Because that shit was funny.”
My column for the third week featured my observations about what goes on in the opposite sex’s heads when it comes to attraction. That topic defeated me because there’s no clear-cut answer to the way in which genders operate when dealing with flirtation and making the first move. I could go on and on, but I’ll save that for when I want to annoy my roommate.
I talked about the campus’ dining commons (DC) in my next column and about how shocked I was the first few weeks when I observed people eat three meals worth of food in one sitting. The DC is just one of those things that I think I over-analyze, but I wanted to talk about it and shed some light on something I thought most people wouldn’t spend the time to think about.
Week five? Ah yes, my 20 inch exposé on how people waste their words. I don’t think I want to understand why people have such a limited and incorrect vocabulary.
Instead, I’d rather live in a world where everyone’s vernacular flourishes and people don’t use “literally” in such a serious manner. Warning: that word has a different definition than “figuratively.” In my opinion, “literally” should mostly be used for comedic emphasis and not for describing how your mind just literally exploded.
I’ve also visited the subject of parental influences and how, all of a sudden, people realize that the way they conduct themselves may resemble their parents.
Lastly, I explored the Death Star on campus, and I mean that literally. I started off confused about the supposed myths of this building. I quickly realized that, after conducting an experiment, it is indeed extremely simple to get lost and become unable to find your next class in SOCSCI.
With all that was said and done, I had a blast sharing my often sarcastic and exaggerated thoughts with whoever ended up reading these columns and let me assure you of something…
You will hear from me again — whether you see my name in print, my columns online or my physical being screaming from the balcony at Chick-Fil-A, you shall hear from me again…
SAVANNAH HOLMES can be reached at email@example.com or go read her crazy blogs at savannahkholmes.wordpress.com if you start to miss her sarcasm and random rants about life.