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Monday, February 26, 2024

Same ol’ Thanksgiving


Eight things that are guaranteed to happen this Thanksgiving.

This time of year is all about being thankful. That could mean a variety of things, including thankfulness for friends, family, health, safety or an abundance of good food. Whatever you’re thankful for, here are eight things that are no-doubt guaranteed to happen this Thanksgiving:

  1. You’ll hit incredibly bad traffic on your drive home.

If you’re traveling the day before Thanksgiving, there’s really only one thing to say: good luck. Whether your final destination is an hour’s car drive or eight hours, there might be a point after 40 minutes of moving a staggering two inches in bumper-to-bumper traffic that you stop and wonder: is this worth it? Is it worth spending a small lifetime in the car to go home for a few short days? Believe me when I say it is. I promise that if you focus on fluffy mashed potatoes, roast vegetables, stuffing, crispy pumpkin pie, ice cream or any other Thanksgiving dish, you’ll survive the travel home — no matter how treacherous it might seem.

  1. Your parents, aunts, uncles and/or grandparents will ask you what you’re thankful for…

…and you’ll tell them what they want to hear. Put on your most impressive puppy eyes, wipe the forced tear from your eye and tell them wholeheartedly, “My family, my friends, my education, this wonderful meal and most of all: you.” It’s a foolproof way to automatically become the favorite. It works like a charm, every time (especially with Grandma).

  1. Every family member will ask you how school is going.

One of the best parts about going home is that the main thing you talk about with friends and family is the place you just left. “How’s school?” The best way to combat this question is to smile, use the angsty middle-schooler response, “good,” and change the subject immediately. Don’t think about that final project you have due the Monday you get back from break, or the multitude of finals you have yet to study for. As previously mentioned, Thanksgiving is about being thankful, and since school work doesn’t traditionally fit under that criteria, no one will blame you for pushing it out of your mind.

  1. Some sort of singing will probably ensue.

Large groups of people like to sing, it’s basically a fact. Especially during the holidays when they have bellies full of turkey, potatoes and wine. Don’t be startled if one of your uncles suddenly breaks out in song— he truly can’t help it. Eventually everyone will be singing as well, so join in and there you have it: a beautiful Thanksgiving memory for the ages is born.

  1. Someone will bring up El Niño.

Let it happen. This is an exciting year for Californians; at long last, talk of the drought just might be coming to a close. Do your research beforehand and offer up some insightful statistics, then tell a couple humorous tales about biking in the rain to finish off the conversation (maybe throw in the freshman stripe detail, it’s a classic) and you’re good to go. Urge to discuss El Niño = satiated.

  1. You’ll eat a disgustingly large amount of food.

Whether you’re the type of person who regrets it or takes pride in it — you will eat Thanksgiving dinner, and it will be a disgustingly large amount. How you choose to feel about it afterwards is up to you.

  1. You’ll vow to work out the next day.

Empty promises, I assure you.

  1. You won’t work out the next day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Written by: Ellie Dierking – features@theaggie.org


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