The story of a man who lures guests to his parties with deceptively fun photos
According to a report obtained by The California Aggie, local student Brendan Yarden, a third-year communication major and aspiring clown-college graduate, is throwing a party this coming Friday.
“A huge part of throwing a party is having a really good event photo and description on Facebook,” Yarden said. “You really have to draw people in. That’s why I always make sure to Google pictures of people at parties that look super fun. But when guests get to my house, I have something completely different set up. One time I just played music in my headphones that only I could hear and passed around a single beer for everyone to share. To me, that’s fun. But now my parties are empty, and I’m not sure why.”
The Aggie talked to some guests of Yarden’s past parties. One was Ariel Chung, a second-year English major and owner of not one, but four loaves of rotting bread that should probably have been thrown out by now.
“I got invited on Facebook to a party and the event photo showed a bunch of people in a huge house,” Chung said. “There was neon paint sprayed everywhere, and it looked like everyone was having a really good time. But the party was completely different from the event photo. When I got there, Brendan was just telling ‘scary’ stories about the time he locked himself in a porta-potty and thought that the echo of his voice in the waste chamber was another person. I tried to leave, but he had barred the doors and I had to listen to the entire three-hour story.”
Other people shared similar stories about Yarden’s parties.
“I was really drawn in by the event photo,” said James Rodriguez, a fourth-year applied mathematics major and aspiring VHS-tape manufacturer. “But I was disappointed to see that Brendan spent the entire party playing recordings of himself making cat noises. Over and over. Needless to say, I won’t be going back to one of his parties.”
It should be interesting to see what Brendan decides to do for his Facebook cover photo this time to entice people to come to his next party. So check your Facebook for an invite soon. Actually, don’t. You’re probably not even invited. How sad.
Written by: Brian Landry –– email@example.com