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Davis, California

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Humor: Dog wonders why owner won’t stop yelling


headshot_blA dog and his peers recount stories of a mysterious man yelling

The California Aggie recently spoke to a local dog who can’t understand why his owner just won’t stop yelling. The unidentified man keeps his dog tied up to tables and benches around the Memorial Union.

“He always does this. All the time. I’m feeling kind of stuck, possibly because I’m tied to a leash and have no control over where I go,” the unnamed dog told The Aggie. “I usually just lie there for the entire day until he gets tired or realizes that nobody is actually listening to him. What’s he even talking about anyways? Who knows. I don’t speak English.”

This dog is not the only being who has had to endure his owner’s constant yelling. The MU flagpole had a lot to say to The Aggie.

“This guy is always here yelling about who knows what,” the flagpole said. “And it’s not really fair to me. I don’t have the option to move. I’m just cemented in place as he drags around his dog and yells at nobody in particular. Does he even feed his dog? I’ve never seen it happen. But I also don’t have eyes or ears, so I guess I wouldn’t really be the one to ask.”

And it doesn’t stop there.

One of the tables across from the CoHo shared a similar experience.

“It’s bad enough that clubs nobody cares about always sit on me during the week,” the table tearfully recalled. “I watch with the eyes that I don’t have while students go out of their way to avoid people tabling or to awkwardly reject a flyer they clearly don’t want. And why do I keep getting asked if I’ve pledged CalPIRG? Why would I care about sea turtles? I never even learned how to swim. Anyway, on top of all of that, now there’s this random guy who sits on top of me after most students have gone and shouts about Jesus. I can’t follow Jesus. I don’t have any legs. Not since the accident.”


Written by: Brian Landry –– bjlandry@ucdavis.edu


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