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Davis, California

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

Humor: Student not offered any flyers at MU tables because he was ‘too ugly’


headshot_blTabling students provide insight into how they decide to whom they offer material

An ugly incident occurred this past week on our campus. A student claimed that he was not offered a single flyer while walking past the Memorial Union (MU) tables because of his looks. 

The student in question, Roger Dirkmund, a second-year human development major and aspiring hand model, said he got some strange looks as he passed the MU tables.

“It was odd because typically when I walk past that area, I can’t help but feel like there are flyers being shoved in my face left and right,” Dirkmund said. “But that day was different. People who were tabling would quickly make eye contact with me and then look away without saying anything.”

The California Aggie talked to some of the students who were tabling in an attempt to understand their reasoning for ignoring Dirkmund. One of these students was Emily Strickland, a third-year astronomy major and astrology fanatic.

“Yeah, I’m going to be honest, I didn’t like the way he looked,” Strickland said. “I mean he looked like a nice person and all, but his hair seemed really greasy and I just didn’t want to deal with that. All I’m saying is he should really invest in some matte hair product instead of glossy. Not to mention that the way he was walking totally told me that he was a Gemini, and my club doesn’t have enough room for two Geminis to join, so obviously I couldn’t offer him a spot. The Grass Club is a competitive organization to get into, and I won’t be blamed for something that’s out of my control.”

Another tabler that fateful day was Damien Blascock, a third-year aerospace engineering major and amateur lamp collector.

“He just didn’t have ‘the look’ you know?” Blascock told The Aggie. “There was something funny about his nose for sure, and I think I also saw a pimple, and I just don’t have time to just be everybody’s dermatologist, you know? The Semi-nude Beach Volleyball Club needs people who are serious about their looks. Not people with pimples. Disgusting.”

Still, Dirkmund plans to make another journey through the MU tabling area, and this time is determined to at least get an offer from the Faces for Radio Club.


Written by: Brian Landry — bjlandry@ucdavis.edu


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