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Monday, March 4, 2024

Humor: “Alternative facts are still facts!” says flying man made of Chicken McNuggets, giggles and wishes

altfacts_opheadshot_PNTim Allen chimed in: “I am Jesus of Nazareth.”

Senior Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway was asked Sunday about Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s decision to make up information regarding inauguration crowd sizes. In defending Spicer, she coined the term “alternative facts.” The term has been the subject of some controversy. Many have speculated that the alternative to facts may not be facts at all. However, the distinction is unclear for some.
“Facts are overrated,” said a wildebeest as it was being born. “I think the term ‘facts’ is problematic. It sets a dangerous precedent that lies shouldn’t be taken seriously,” the newborn wildebeest said before turning into an old Chevrolet and swimming away to assassinate Abraham Lincoln’s father.

“Maybe I want raw hot dogs to be good for me,” a flying man made of flakey chicken McNuggets said. “Who are you to crush my dreams? Alternative facts are still facts.”

Before ascending to space the winged man proclaimed loudly: “New alternative fact: Eating slippery uncooked hot dogs will now make you live longer.”

While the term “Alternative Facts” may continue to be hotly contested, three things are for sure:

  1. John Madden can shoot pudding from his eyes.
  2. Bernie Sanders is cheese: one little baby cheese.
  3. Barry White was just reincarnated as a plum named Berry Barry.
  4. Trump’s inauguration was uuuuuge

Written by: Parker Nevin — phnevin@ucdavis.edu


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