Humor: I’m tired of PC culture

FARAH FARJOOD / AGGIE

It’s obvious that personal computing culture has gone too far

I’m tired of PC culture. That’s right. You heard me.

You see it all over the Internet. It’s everywhere, and it has been progressively infecting our society, especially the Internet. And if you ask me, it’s only going to get worse in the next couple of years. I’m exhausted of it. I’m tired of seeing it on places like Twitter, Tumblr, and Reddit.

And I know what you’re thinking. “Oh Aaron,” (whiny voice), “PC culture is essential for creating and sustaining a platform of communication and mutual understanding. It has helped bridge the cultural divides that have in the past been insurmountable.” Well, guess what? You sound like Bill Gates, who is a nerd, which means you are also in fact a NERD. Who you should  strive to sound like instead is Steve Jobs, who I think would agree with me regarding my feelings toward PC culture if he were still around.

See, the thing with Personal Computing Culture that bothers me isn’t really that it exists. If someone else wants it, that’s fine. Let them do their thing. America is great because you are allowed to say and post whatever you like. My point is that I don’t want anything to do with it. Stop shoving it down my throat. I just want to be able to go on Safari and conduct my usual Sunday routine: memes, some tea and perhaps a little bit of human target practice. But every time I boot up my laptop (it has that sweet skin on it that makes my computer look like marble) and hop onto the World Wide Web, all I see is an incessant obsession with PC culture. It’s all over Facebook. And frankly I’m just completely fed up.

Personal Computing Culture has, ever since Windows 98, just been getting more and more pervasive online. And now, coupled with the already annoying obsession with Bill Gates, we also have Personal Computer gaming, which has been unexpectedly much bigger than PC culture alone. You have these infernal devil games, like Call of Battlefield, or Hay-lo. Who knew kids would enjoy violence so much? That explains what’s wrong with the world, if you ask me. All these “gamers” have ruined memes for me, as they seem to have taken over and flooded the meme market.
Above all, what I can’t understand is why PCs are so much more popular and successful. I mean, Macs don’t even get viruses. How could you, a rational decision maker, even think of buying a PC if there were even a risk of getting a virus that could hack your life. Insanity. If you own an Apple device, all you have to do to keep viruses off your computer is erect a Steve Jobs shrine, pray at it every day and perform a sacrifice in the name of the great and mighty Steve.

So there it is. I’m tired of PC culture. I’m tired of seeing it on the Internet and in my daily life. I’m tired of all the people that don’t realize that an Apple is a better computer than a PC.
Written by: Aaron Levins — adlevins@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)