Library AC gets to Werk™
As finals week rolls around, students are beginning to ask a lot of hard-hitting questions that really demand answers. Questions range from whether the syllabus is going to be on the final to whether it’s unhealthy to sustain a diet purely of CoHo bagels. However, the most pressing question on everyone’s mind has to do with UC Davis’ hub of social interaction: Shields Library. Students are curious as to why the library is always kept so cold to the point that it requires a blanket and starting a fire in the middle of the main reading room to keep warm. The California Aggie has set out to find answers.
Everyone knows that Shields Library is the most poppin’ place on campus because it’s basically just one giant silent disco. But a lot of people don’t know that it’s also a giant freezer.
“I actually didn’t even realize that it was cold in the library, and I think you’re being a little bit dramatic,” said Eli Betch, a library-goer who is unaware of most things.
Despite the skeptics, The Aggie managed to get in contact with the ice cube afraid of melting that controls the air conditioning in Shields Library. As you can imagine, the ice cube had no chill and would not provide any commentary.
In reaching out to further sources, The Aggie got its answers from one Shields Library employee, Grace Tacky.
“When people go to Shields, they definitely think they’re doing the most. But they’re not — the air conditioning is,” Tacky explained. “So if you’re wondering why the library is so cold all the time, it’s to serve as a reminder of who is putting the real Werk™.”
Well, there you have it. Shields Library really is trying to freeze its students and give them some chill. To celebrate cracking open yet another controversial case, The Aggie staff has decided to crack open a cold one (with the boys).
Written by: Lara Loptman — firstname.lastname@example.org
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)