A sad day for students everywhere
On the ten year anniversary of iClicker, CEO Bob Trabajo announced the iClicker X with glass backing and facial recognition.
“We’ve truly done it this time” Trabajo said. “We’ve made it so that students will no longer be able to take their friends’ iClickers to class, while also creating a glass backing that’ll bring in millions to the company when students drop them in class.”
This groundbreaking technological advancement has made shareholders, teachers and UC Davis bookstores ecstatic over the high prices and “sleek design.” While students might be hesitant to upgrade their iClickers, UC Davis professors have agreed to put “iClicker X required” in their syllabuses to avoid any contradicting information.
Students have expressed concern over the accuracy of the facial recognition features.
“I look a lot different in week one of Fall Quarter than I do in week eight of Winter Quarter, when my hopes and dreams have been lost and I’m living off CoHo pizza,” said Sarah Smith, a third-year biology major. “So I just worry that this isn’t a product for the students. I can’t afford to be marked absent just because my eye bags look a little bigger one day.”
While Trabajo assures the safety and high quality of the iClicker, a few aspects of the new product might have to be tweaked.
“I know a couple of identical twins here who’ld take advantage of this feature,” said fifth-year Allen Stanley. “And I just don’t think that’s fair to the rest of the hardworking student body.”
The future of facial recognition is just beginning. UC Davis has plans to implement it in any way they can, such as making textbooks facially activated so that students must buy new ones each year instead of borrowing them from their friends. There are many skeptics of iClicker’s chosen path, and only time and student outrage will tell if this was the right move for the trillion-dollar company.
Written by: Rosie Schwarz — email@example.com
(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)