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Saturday, April 20, 2024

Humor: English major plans to use degree… as a coaster for her La Croix


Guess it wasn’t a major waste after all

It’s a great feeling when you earn a degree that you know will be useful in the future, no matter what career path you choose.

That’s exactly how Rosie Shortz felt when she earned her degree in English from UC Davis this past spring.

Shortz, a longtime La Croix addict, aptly chose to use her degree as a coaster for her favorite drink.

“I’m so excited that I’m finally reaping the benefits of my degree,” Shortz said. “The worst thing in the world is when you want to drink an ice cold La Croix with your friends, but you look like a fool when you’re caught without a coaster. I’m really glad I’m finally taking control of the situation and my life in general.”

When asked about other ways Shortz has managed to use her English degree, she avoided the question, nervously sipping her La Croix and avoiding eye contact.

Though Shortz was incredibly quiet about her job prospects, The California Aggie feels she was merely taking Kendrick Lamar’s advice and being humble. An admirable move.

After an uncomfortably long period of time, Shortz revealed that she has, in fact, taken up competitive La Croix drinking as a full-time job.

We’re not really sure what this means, but we support her and are sure it takes a lot of skills that she definitely learned from her English degree.

It just goes to show that paying exorbitant amounts of money to go to school isn’t at all a waste, and with enough naivety and La Croix, anything is possible!


Written by: Lara Loptman — lrloptman@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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